In fine form offlate :)
Note: I've made up my mind and I feel happy about this decision
Note: I've made up my mind and I feel happy about this decision
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Randomness In Motion
I must warn that this post is all about jumping from one random point to another: Apparently I do that just so efficiently. I'm just saying this so that I don't have to clarify myself "why on earth am I not making sense?" on each paragraph.
1. I realize that - this is by no mean an earth-shattering realization - I don't even understand my own psychology. But then again, who does? I don't understand why mood swing exists, why sometimes I'm bored, why I feel in a certain way, why life just sometimes never seem enough, and the list can go on forever of course. I don't think a reductionist-approach to this dilemma is the right way to go: You know people sometimes say "Ohh, it's just ......... <-- fill in the blank" Because that's like saying there is no solution, that's just how you function period. No way... Ok, so how? I don't know. Haha.. No, just no way, that's it.
2. Life must be about embracing imperfection. Because that's just the world: Imperfect. And that's just who we are: Imperfect. But sincerity is a must, there is just no substitute for that.
3.Generally speaking I don't like to expect so much from people, because that's just very selfish. Because if you expect a lot from people, then you don't expect yourself to contribute a lot - it is almost mutual exclusive. This and that, this and that from other people, what about yourself?
4. I figured, sometimes when people beg you (I'm the type yang cepat cair la), just give. "Nor repulse the petitioner (unheard)" (ad-Duha: 10). You don't really need to question the underlying motive, syndicate, bla3. Well, if you do, then do something, but you don't right? You just question it, smartly trick yourself into believing it's true, and get away. So if you do believe it's true, then go investigate thoroughly and don't stop until you prove to yourself and make a real change. But nobody does that anyway.
5. If this way of life is about a mercy to mankind, then it just makes sense that the last thing for us to do is to cause trouble to others. So mind: "Do not cause trouble to others."
6. Hadith 502. We are so self-righteous, aren't we? Everybody else is problematic, except for 'us', and we feel good about it. We don't even care.
7. Whatever, I'm really tired today, that's all. 50 km with an average speed of 25km/h and I can barely even walk after that. That's pretty pathetic actually, but I guess it's all about conditioning.
1. I realize that - this is by no mean an earth-shattering realization - I don't even understand my own psychology. But then again, who does? I don't understand why mood swing exists, why sometimes I'm bored, why I feel in a certain way, why life just sometimes never seem enough, and the list can go on forever of course. I don't think a reductionist-approach to this dilemma is the right way to go: You know people sometimes say "Ohh, it's just ......... <-- fill in the blank" Because that's like saying there is no solution, that's just how you function period. No way... Ok, so how? I don't know. Haha.. No, just no way, that's it.
2. Life must be about embracing imperfection. Because that's just the world: Imperfect. And that's just who we are: Imperfect. But sincerity is a must, there is just no substitute for that.
3.Generally speaking I don't like to expect so much from people, because that's just very selfish. Because if you expect a lot from people, then you don't expect yourself to contribute a lot - it is almost mutual exclusive. This and that, this and that from other people, what about yourself?
4. I figured, sometimes when people beg you (I'm the type yang cepat cair la), just give. "Nor repulse the petitioner (unheard)" (ad-Duha: 10). You don't really need to question the underlying motive, syndicate, bla3. Well, if you do, then do something, but you don't right? You just question it, smartly trick yourself into believing it's true, and get away. So if you do believe it's true, then go investigate thoroughly and don't stop until you prove to yourself and make a real change. But nobody does that anyway.
5. If this way of life is about a mercy to mankind, then it just makes sense that the last thing for us to do is to cause trouble to others. So mind: "Do not cause trouble to others."
6. Hadith 502. We are so self-righteous, aren't we? Everybody else is problematic, except for 'us', and we feel good about it. We don't even care.
7. Whatever, I'm really tired today, that's all. 50 km with an average speed of 25km/h and I can barely even walk after that. That's pretty pathetic actually, but I guess it's all about conditioning.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Rindu...
"Adi rindu kak yana tak? Dia kan pergi college sekarang."
"Tak."
"Adi rindu abang tak?"
"Urmm abang tak balik sabtu ahad, abang balik kadang-kadang je"
"Hmm abang balik lagi 2 tahun kot. Jadi adi rindu abang la?"
"U'uh"
"Tak."
"Adi rindu abang tak?"
"Urmm abang tak balik sabtu ahad, abang balik kadang-kadang je"
"Hmm abang balik lagi 2 tahun kot. Jadi adi rindu abang la?"
"U'uh"
Hahaha... Abang menang hands down! Abang rindu semua orang, including ayra, the wittiest, jual mahal girl on this planet. Post la gambar birthday dkt rumah pak long hari tu, takkan takde. And my rindus are not one way streets :p
P.S. I am an addicted cyclist nowadays - while summer last...
P.S. I am an addicted cyclist nowadays - while summer last...
Friday, July 10, 2009
Finding God in The Numeral?
…and He has enumerated everything in numbers.
QUR’AN (Al-Jinn 72:28)
I was reading Lost History in the subway: When I read this verse, I was awestruck... "Why haven't I heard of this verse before?" I wondered, what is the context of the verse? What precedes this fragmented verse? Is He talking about the universe?
He alone knows the Unseen, nor does He make any one acquainted with His Mysteries. Except a messenger whom He has chosen: and then He makes a band of watchers march before him and behind him. So that He may know that they have truly delivered the messages of their Lord, and He encompasses what is with them and He records the number of all things.
QUR’AN (Al-Jinn 72: 26-28)
QUR’AN (Al-Jinn 72: 26-28)
I thought about writing a 'review' of Michael Hamilton Morgan's Lost History once I finish it, but now I can't wait... Maybe I will eventually do it, but the story of al-Khawarizmi is just mind-blowing. Here is an except from the book. Someone actually rewrote it on his blog, looks like I'm not the only one awestruck by this chapter (I just copy-paste and cut out unimportant parts):-
A pivotal force in creating these numbers and formulas is a Persian man born in about 780 in the faraway town of Khiva, Khorasan province, known as Khwarizm to the Arabs, in Central Asia. He is named Mohammad al-Khwarizmi, literally Mohammad of Khwarizm.
In the eighth century, his birthplace is deep in the steppe, a way station on the Silk Road that stretches at one end from China, at the other end from Rome. Though the two ends of this spectrum have never had a direct contact, over the centuries there is a fairly regular exchange between two worlds. All this passes through Khorasan; at times the exchange is no more than a breeze, a foreign and exotic lost butterfly hanging in the air for a few seconds, then swept away.
This dark-haired main, with piercing brown eyes set into deep sockets and cheeks creased by leanness and weather, is a magician in other ways as well. Steeped in the tradition of faith and of magic, he yearns to find the secrets of the universe in numbers. He writes mathematical problems; he dreams numbers; he reduces every movement of his day to numbers: the numbers of steps to the bathhouse, the angle of sun to Earth and the triangle created there, and the curves of the Silk Road wandering across half the Earth.
In numbers and equations and computations spinning out of their series, he sense the hidden codes of the universe, the numerical representation of the complexity of God’s creation. And as a Muslim, in a time when it is believed that God can be revealed through reason and knowledge, he will help lead a great mathematical revolution, giving the first glimpse of a future day when the age of computers will outstrip the processing speeds and capabilities of the human mind, no matter how brilliant.
At the founding of the House of Wisdom in 832 in Baghdad, al-Khwarizmi is summoned by the Caliph al-Mamun himself to assist in the search for God in the numeral. And when he arrives there, he sees the great interpreters like Hunayun ibn Ishaq gradually decoding the formulas of Euclid’s Elements based on geometry, of Pythagoras and Ptolemy, and thoughts of Aristotle and Socrates. Others are translating Archimedes’s works such as The Sphere and the Cylinder, The Measurement of the Circle, The Equilibrium of Planes, and Floating bodies, all of which help influence Muslim thought significantly. Al-Khwarizmi will help in that effort, because he is able to read Greek and turn its meaning into Arabic.
The Central Asian man sees turbaned mathematician-astronomers working together in rooms using maps, star charts, astrotables, and other measuring instruments, thinking through problems together, checking each other’s work, poring over translations, and discussing endlessly. For a man who has often done much of his work alone and had rarely found thinkers who were his equal, to find so much intelligence and competition gathered in one place is both exhilarating and intimidating. But he knows ths is an unparalleled opportunity, and he will make as much of it as he can.
Weak and drunk with the world that is now exploding in his head, al-Khwarizmi knows that mathematics has to be the code work of the divine. From the discovery of the Hindu dot that will one day be represented in much of the world by a circle and known a zero, he sees an infinite number of paths and possibilities streaking out in all directions. And he is not alone in these kinds of thoughts, for in the house of wisdom and other mathematical salons that will arise at other courts, dozens and eventually hundreds astronomical-mathematical thinkers are turning over in their minds assorted issues, each coming at the numeric mystery from a slightly different angle. Unconsciously and intuitively, the early Muslim mathematicians will create a kind of collective intelligence, feeding on each other, borrowing and stealing from one another, competing for the favors of patrons, making terrible mistakes, authoring spectacular breakthroughs. In a way, the House of Wisdom in Baghdad and similar Muslim centers will be the world’s first think tanks, an example of network computing, using networked human brains rather than machines.
And al-Khwarizmi and his colleagues are not alone in time or history, for aside from inventing, they also assimilate and aggregate much of the brilliance that has come before. From the Babylonians via the Greeks, they inherit the sexagesimal measure of time in 60 seconds and 60 minutes. Muslim astronomers and other scientists will translate these numerals into the degrees of the compass and the directions of earth and sky that will survive into the 21st century. From the Indians they will capture the astronomic importance of numbers. Via the Persians and directly from the Indians, they will capture the zero, and the breakthrough of decimal math, and the first hints at representing numbers as symbols and not as words.
Among other things, al-Khwarizmi realizes as he scribbles that the very process of writing mathematics will need to be revised. In his day there are three different methods of calculating math in the Abbasid world and its environs. There is the universal finger counting method, which serves certain basic purposes well, as in business transactions of small size. There is a more complicated version using Arabic letter characters, which is better but still not up to the task.
And there is the Hindu method, a decimal system with characters representing quantities ranging from 0 to 9, and then arranged in a combination to reach up and down into positive and negative infinity from the sources dot of zero. The Hindu numerals are the best, the only ones adequate to all the possibilities that al-Khwarizmi and his counterparts and successors see dancing in their heads: needs like calculating the area of irregular spaces; finding missing quantities using the relationship of known ones; calculating the relationship of the Earth to the sun and stars, so as to better compute the holy days as commanded by the Prophet; finding the location of Mecca so that the faithful can pray in that direction with certainly and not guesswork. The Hindu cum Muslim number system will be essential to establishing a new theory about curvature that will show how to resolve the two different universes of angles and curves. The new number system will begin to help answer the mathematical questions implicit in conical space and projections. And the Hindu-Arab numbers will be essential to 21st century questions such as the behavior of light and the properties of solids. Modern technology and civilization will not able to rise and evolve without these numbers.
In al-Khwarizmi’s mind and in the Hindu system, all spins around the dot of nothingness. Brilliant Bhramagupta had found the zero and tried to represent its emptiness and mystery in a written equation. He wrote the ultimate truth of zero to be: Zero divided by zero equals zero. And though he was wrong in that calculation, which is impossible, he was infinitely prescient in his willingness to think in new ways, which in turn threw a spark of genius to the Muslims, starting a bonfire of thought.
Two hundred years later up on that Baghdad roof, al-Khwarizmi laughs to himself. The equation of division of and by zero is absurd; it proves nothing. He laughs out loud, risking waking the others. A woman of the night calls up to him, unaccustomed to hearing laughter from this handsome, dark man and wondering if he wants company. But he is off in his thoughts.
The zero, he realizes, must be accepted on pure faith. It cannot be proven. And in terrible irony, which he considers sharing with his patron al-Mamun, he sees that the ultimate value of rationalist mathematics is pure revelation, just as god was revealed not quantified.
Pp 82-90, Lost History, Michael Hamilton Morgan.P.S. Al-Khawarizmi is the very guy who laid down the foundation of algebra (al-jabr wa al-muqabala) and makes me scratch my head staring at abstract mathematical proves and computer science algorithm. I don't know whether I should thank him for that, but I so wanna go to Khurasan!
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Confabulating God?
In the name of God, Most Gracious, Most Merciful
I was being asked, "What if the mind confabulates God?" in a comment to my previous post. So I thought it is better if I give a more structured argument here.
1. Even with advancements in evolutionary biology, superstring theory, multiverse, and neuroscience, I don't see how we can prove that God doesn't exist. Well, people say, the onus of prove is upon those who say God exists, because they made the claim first.
2. But in cognitive psychology, they come to the conclusion that it is innate in human to observe sacredness or divinity, be it even without God in the equation: "My research on the moral emotions has led me to conclude that the human mind simply does perceive divinity and sacredness, whether or not God exists." - Jonathan Haidt Note: "believing in God" is an intellectual preposition, while "observing divinity or sacredness" is an emotion that we feel. For example we feel 'elated' when we look at the marvelous nature - a Muslim will usually say subhanallah in such situation, meaning Glory be to God. This is what psychologist call observing sacredness.
3. In other words, the natural state (fitrah) for human being is to believe in God (or at least perceive divinity). So the argument that the idea of God is the ultimate human invention doesn't hold water, because perceiving divinity is an existentialist human experience rather than an intellectual position per se. So even those staunch atheists will have those moments in life when they will perceive divinity, but they have to do some intellectual stunts to deny their guts feeling: "No, this can't be caused by God...."
4. Since we live in a universe where the thermodynamics arrow of time points forward, another natural tendency is to infer a creator when you see a creation. This is just basic causation, since the universe exists, something must have created it. And since that entity created space and time (the universe), the entity itself is beyond space and time, thus all law of physics that we know don't hold true to that entity - including the arrow of time. So it makes perfect sense that this entity can and should be eternal.
5. Off late modern science has been obsessed (and struggling) with probability. Now if you see a Mona Lisa painting, you should say "Ooo you mix some colors in a bucket and you throw it on a wall and wallaa Mona Lisa comes out by random chance" - nobody painted the Mona Lisa. That's how life began according to evolutionary biology. Well, even if let's say life really began like that, so who made that extremely improbable probability to happen?
6. But scientists are definitely not stupid people, so even physicist Andrei Linde admits something about our universe: “We have a lot of really, really strange coincidences, and all of these coincidences are such that they make life possible.” So physicists actually don’t like coincidences. That includes the great Albert Einstein who stumbled with quantum mechanics: "God Doesn't Play With Dice." By the way, FYI Einstein is a deist - one who believes God created this universe but then He just sits back - "Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind."
7. So what is Linde so scared about? The Big Bad Wolf? What coincidences? Consider just two possible changes. Atoms consist of protons, neutrons, and electrons. If those protons were just 0.2 percent more massive than they actually are, they would be unstable and would decay into simpler particles. Atoms wouldn’t exist; neither would we. If gravity were slightly more powerful, the consequences would be nearly as grave. A beefed-up gravitational force would compress stars more tightly, making them smaller, hotter, and denser. Rather than surviving for billions of years, stars would burn through their fuel in a few million years, sputtering out long before life had a chance to evolve - Discover
8. So the universe seems to be tailored or made just for us— this scary, scary reality is known as the anthropic principle in physics. Just like natural selection in evolutionary biology, physicists comeout with another wonderful idea called multiverse to ease their uneasiness about this reality. Note: You need to understand the concept of multiverse in order to know why this theory elminates the slim probability of anthropic principle. I can't explain it to you here, it will be too long, pray read the article yourself.
9. “For me the reality of many universes is a logical possibility [multiverse],” Linde says. “You might say, ‘Maybe this is some mysterious coincidence. Maybe God created the universe for our benefit.’ Well, I don’t know about God, but the universe itself might reproduce itself eternally in all its possible manifestations.” - Discover I don't know Mr Linde, does it make more sense that God created this universe for our benefit or the universe reproduce itself eternally? So I wonder if human has actually got any smarter since the time of Plato and Socrates - even though their philosophy wasn't enlightened by modern science they still came to the sensible conclusion that God exists. Of course "sensible" is just my biasness here. And don't talk to me about Nietzsche!
10. Out goes big bang theory that poses the problem of cosmic singularity; multiverse (based on superstring theory) is the new religion in astrophysics. Multiverse is actually a classic problem of you can't prove something that is beyond space-time does exist - it is almost impossible to prove its existence empirically. But as long as "that thing" isn't named God it's fine for them.
11. When will neuroscience explain about the soul? So next, not only we can clone ourselves with perfect DNA match, but we can also bring back the dead to life or do soul transplant and live eternally? Mr Neuroscience, I'm waiting...
12. To me, the only perhaps sensible conclusion that you can draw from the finding that the mind actually confabulates is: Blind faith is actually the perfect form of faith. We only embark on a cognitive mission to bring back reasons to support our preferred action. But such extreme view seems too idealistic in reality, because people do convert and change their believe while engaging in interfaith dialogue.
Allah knows best.
I was being asked, "What if the mind confabulates God?" in a comment to my previous post. So I thought it is better if I give a more structured argument here.
1. Even with advancements in evolutionary biology, superstring theory, multiverse, and neuroscience, I don't see how we can prove that God doesn't exist. Well, people say, the onus of prove is upon those who say God exists, because they made the claim first.
2. But in cognitive psychology, they come to the conclusion that it is innate in human to observe sacredness or divinity, be it even without God in the equation: "My research on the moral emotions has led me to conclude that the human mind simply does perceive divinity and sacredness, whether or not God exists." - Jonathan Haidt Note: "believing in God" is an intellectual preposition, while "observing divinity or sacredness" is an emotion that we feel. For example we feel 'elated' when we look at the marvelous nature - a Muslim will usually say subhanallah in such situation, meaning Glory be to God. This is what psychologist call observing sacredness.
3. In other words, the natural state (fitrah) for human being is to believe in God (or at least perceive divinity). So the argument that the idea of God is the ultimate human invention doesn't hold water, because perceiving divinity is an existentialist human experience rather than an intellectual position per se. So even those staunch atheists will have those moments in life when they will perceive divinity, but they have to do some intellectual stunts to deny their guts feeling: "No, this can't be caused by God...."
4. Since we live in a universe where the thermodynamics arrow of time points forward, another natural tendency is to infer a creator when you see a creation. This is just basic causation, since the universe exists, something must have created it. And since that entity created space and time (the universe), the entity itself is beyond space and time, thus all law of physics that we know don't hold true to that entity - including the arrow of time. So it makes perfect sense that this entity can and should be eternal.
5. Off late modern science has been obsessed (and struggling) with probability. Now if you see a Mona Lisa painting, you should say "Ooo you mix some colors in a bucket and you throw it on a wall and wallaa Mona Lisa comes out by random chance" - nobody painted the Mona Lisa. That's how life began according to evolutionary biology. Well, even if let's say life really began like that, so who made that extremely improbable probability to happen?
6. But scientists are definitely not stupid people, so even physicist Andrei Linde admits something about our universe: “We have a lot of really, really strange coincidences, and all of these coincidences are such that they make life possible.” So physicists actually don’t like coincidences. That includes the great Albert Einstein who stumbled with quantum mechanics: "God Doesn't Play With Dice." By the way, FYI Einstein is a deist - one who believes God created this universe but then He just sits back - "Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind."
7. So what is Linde so scared about? The Big Bad Wolf? What coincidences? Consider just two possible changes. Atoms consist of protons, neutrons, and electrons. If those protons were just 0.2 percent more massive than they actually are, they would be unstable and would decay into simpler particles. Atoms wouldn’t exist; neither would we. If gravity were slightly more powerful, the consequences would be nearly as grave. A beefed-up gravitational force would compress stars more tightly, making them smaller, hotter, and denser. Rather than surviving for billions of years, stars would burn through their fuel in a few million years, sputtering out long before life had a chance to evolve - Discover
8. So the universe seems to be tailored or made just for us— this scary, scary reality is known as the anthropic principle in physics. Just like natural selection in evolutionary biology, physicists comeout with another wonderful idea called multiverse to ease their uneasiness about this reality. Note: You need to understand the concept of multiverse in order to know why this theory elminates the slim probability of anthropic principle. I can't explain it to you here, it will be too long, pray read the article yourself.
9. “For me the reality of many universes is a logical possibility [multiverse],” Linde says. “You might say, ‘Maybe this is some mysterious coincidence. Maybe God created the universe for our benefit.’ Well, I don’t know about God, but the universe itself might reproduce itself eternally in all its possible manifestations.” - Discover I don't know Mr Linde, does it make more sense that God created this universe for our benefit or the universe reproduce itself eternally? So I wonder if human has actually got any smarter since the time of Plato and Socrates - even though their philosophy wasn't enlightened by modern science they still came to the sensible conclusion that God exists. Of course "sensible" is just my biasness here. And don't talk to me about Nietzsche!
10. Out goes big bang theory that poses the problem of cosmic singularity; multiverse (based on superstring theory) is the new religion in astrophysics. Multiverse is actually a classic problem of you can't prove something that is beyond space-time does exist - it is almost impossible to prove its existence empirically. But as long as "that thing" isn't named God it's fine for them.
11. When will neuroscience explain about the soul? So next, not only we can clone ourselves with perfect DNA match, but we can also bring back the dead to life or do soul transplant and live eternally? Mr Neuroscience, I'm waiting...
12. To me, the only perhaps sensible conclusion that you can draw from the finding that the mind actually confabulates is: Blind faith is actually the perfect form of faith. We only embark on a cognitive mission to bring back reasons to support our preferred action. But such extreme view seems too idealistic in reality, because people do convert and change their believe while engaging in interfaith dialogue.
Allah knows best.
Unnerving
“Young man, I will teach you some words: Preserve (your obligations toward) Allah and He will preserve you. Guard (your obligations toward) Allah, and you will find Him on your side. When you ask, ask Allah. When you seek aid and succour, seek it from Allah. And know, that if the entire nation got together to benefit you in some way, they could never benefit you at all except for that which Allah had already decreed for you. And, if they all got together to harm you in some way, they could do you no harm except for that which Allah had already decreed for you. The pens have been lifted, and the tablets have dried.” [At-Tirmidhi]
Explicit knowledge un-tacitized...
Note1: I'm missing home and the company of awesome friends.
Note2: I've been doing cycling, takde kuda naik basikal je lah. Best jugak, in a different way.
Note3: We should think deep about what have we done to do the calling of the message. Malu...
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Your Move Chief
I’m just tired… I’m tired of… I don’t know. This is a scene from Good Will Hunting that blew me away. So out of my boredom, I’ve transcribed it. Context: Sean is the counselor and Will is the young lad (in the 20s) prodigy. They were sitting on a bench, at a park, looking at a lake full of swans.
Will: This is really nice, you got a thing about swan? maybe it’s like a fetish, maybe something we should devote some time into? [in a sarcastic tone]
The rest is Sean:
You’re just a kid, you don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about.
So if I ask you about art, you probably give the skinny on every art book ever written. Michael Angello, you know a lot about him, life’s work, political aspiration, the whole work right. But you can’t tell me what it smells like in the 16th chapel, you’ve never actually stood there and look up at the beautiful ceiling.
If I ask you about war, you probably throw Shakespeare at me right? “Once more into the bridge dear friends.” But you’ve never been near one, you’ve never held your best friend’s head in your lap, and watch him grasp his last breath and looking to you for help
If I ask you about love, probably you quote me a sonnet, but you’ve never looked into a woman and been totally vulnerable, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you, and you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, to have that love for her to be there forever, through anything, through cancer. You wouldn’t know about sleeping, sitting up in the hospital room for two months holding her hands because the doctor can see in your eyes that the term visiting hours don’t apply to you. [Sean is talking about his wife who passed away due to cancer, and Will insulted him beforehand by accusing that he regretted marrying her because of that]
You don’t know about real lost, because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you ever dare to love anybody that much.
Look at you, I don’t see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared kid. You’re a genius Will, no one denies that. No one can possibly understand the depths of you, but you presume you know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine and you rip my life apart.
You’re an orphan right? Do you think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I’ve read Olivier Twist? Does that encapsulate you?
Personally I don’t care. You know what? I can’t learn anything from you; I can’t read from some book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are, and I’m fascinated, I’m in, but you don’t want to do that right? You’re terrified about what you might say.
Your move chief.
[end of scene]
I’m like the smart alec in the family. Note: Mr Know-It-All who actually doesn't know anything at all. If you know me, you would probably agree that I tend to think that I’m right most of the time – perhaps you were even irritated by me because of it. Of course, that is a flaw. My mom used to tell me, “You young man, you always think you’re right, and you can’t see your own flaw” (well, something along that line). She told me that wisdom and farsightedness is something that sometimes you only acquire by age.
Although I did ponder about the possibility of the truth of her premise of argument, I still thought I was right during that time and pressed on with my argument. By the way, arguing means, we were just having a difference of opinion, and debated about it in a healthy, sopan way. But you know what? She was right; mom is always right. And this Good Will Hunting scene drove the point home.
P.S.
Ada this arab guy bawak anak dia solat, and she looks exactly like Ayra. Rindu nak balik… Haha..
Will: This is really nice, you got a thing about swan? maybe it’s like a fetish, maybe something we should devote some time into? [in a sarcastic tone]
The rest is Sean:
You’re just a kid, you don’t have the faintest idea what you’re talking about.
So if I ask you about art, you probably give the skinny on every art book ever written. Michael Angello, you know a lot about him, life’s work, political aspiration, the whole work right. But you can’t tell me what it smells like in the 16th chapel, you’ve never actually stood there and look up at the beautiful ceiling.
If I ask you about war, you probably throw Shakespeare at me right? “Once more into the bridge dear friends.” But you’ve never been near one, you’ve never held your best friend’s head in your lap, and watch him grasp his last breath and looking to you for help
If I ask you about love, probably you quote me a sonnet, but you’ve never looked into a woman and been totally vulnerable, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you, and you wouldn’t know what it’s like to be her angel, to have that love for her to be there forever, through anything, through cancer. You wouldn’t know about sleeping, sitting up in the hospital room for two months holding her hands because the doctor can see in your eyes that the term visiting hours don’t apply to you. [Sean is talking about his wife who passed away due to cancer, and Will insulted him beforehand by accusing that he regretted marrying her because of that]
You don’t know about real lost, because that only occurs when you love something more than you love yourself. I doubt you ever dare to love anybody that much.
Look at you, I don’t see an intelligent, confident man. I see a cocky, scared kid. You’re a genius Will, no one denies that. No one can possibly understand the depths of you, but you presume you know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine and you rip my life apart.
You’re an orphan right? Do you think I know the first thing about how hard your life has been, how you feel, who you are, because I’ve read Olivier Twist? Does that encapsulate you?
Personally I don’t care. You know what? I can’t learn anything from you; I can’t read from some book. Unless you want to talk about you, who you are, and I’m fascinated, I’m in, but you don’t want to do that right? You’re terrified about what you might say.
Your move chief.
[end of scene]
I’m like the smart alec in the family. Note: Mr Know-It-All who actually doesn't know anything at all. If you know me, you would probably agree that I tend to think that I’m right most of the time – perhaps you were even irritated by me because of it. Of course, that is a flaw. My mom used to tell me, “You young man, you always think you’re right, and you can’t see your own flaw” (well, something along that line). She told me that wisdom and farsightedness is something that sometimes you only acquire by age.
Although I did ponder about the possibility of the truth of her premise of argument, I still thought I was right during that time and pressed on with my argument. By the way, arguing means, we were just having a difference of opinion, and debated about it in a healthy, sopan way. But you know what? She was right; mom is always right. And this Good Will Hunting scene drove the point home.
P.S.
Ada this arab guy bawak anak dia solat, and she looks exactly like Ayra. Rindu nak balik… Haha..
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Just Today
1. Ice cream gives you short-term pleasure, but it is still effective to make you happy, even for a short while - at least it works for me. Today the DQ guy turned the brownie batter blizzard upside down before handing it to me :)
2. Going to the bookstore aimlessly is very therapeutic. Just looking at the books, I don't know, they calm me down. Ok gila, tetapi betul lah :D But the same cannot be said about going to the library even though it is also full of books. Well, at least not my school's library, too many 'haunted memories'.
3. Even after 1 and 2, the heart will still be in a fluctuating state in the long run. There must be something that is always there, especially when things don't go so well. What's that? Rhetorical.
4. So if I buy a house, the ideal place for it would be near: Masjid, horse stable, bookstore, ice cream/cake shop
5. There are a lot of suffering in this world, and what am I doing?
6. Be contend, be happy, be helpful, be just, be concious of God :)
P.S.
arcane_mailslot: so stop being an ass, shut up and go read a book... hahahhaha
FatalErr012: I know I know
2. Going to the bookstore aimlessly is very therapeutic. Just looking at the books, I don't know, they calm me down. Ok gila, tetapi betul lah :D But the same cannot be said about going to the library even though it is also full of books. Well, at least not my school's library, too many 'haunted memories'.
3. Even after 1 and 2, the heart will still be in a fluctuating state in the long run. There must be something that is always there, especially when things don't go so well. What's that? Rhetorical.
4. So if I buy a house, the ideal place for it would be near: Masjid, horse stable, bookstore, ice cream/cake shop
5. There are a lot of suffering in this world, and what am I doing?
6. Be contend, be happy, be helpful, be just, be concious of God :)
P.S.
arcane_mailslot: so stop being an ass, shut up and go read a book... hahahhaha
FatalErr012: I know I know
Confabulation
I have come to the conclusion that living your life and not get worried/emo about stupid things a.k.a. things you can't control is like one of the hardest challenges ever. I am pretty sure every human being out there shares this struggle. No? If you don't then pray do tell me your secret.
Before I begin, everybody must know this vocab: Confabulate. Meaning? To fill in gaps in memory by fabrication; that's what we do the best, fooling ourselves up. Actually we are so good at it, we don't even realize it. Look, if you don't know, then you don't know. But our mind is so good at making up these plausible fantasy explanations, in our psyche we are convinced about the reality of it; whereas it is only the construct of our mind. This is where most of the worries come from and it is not even real. Although sometimes the mind confabulates for a good reason: A mom is constantly worried about the safety of her child; she can think of 1001 situations where things can go wrong but they rarely even happen. I don't need to tell you situations where the mind confabulates and screws you up, do I?
Well, you say, I'm just rambling this thing up, it's not even scientific. So let's get scientific. The brain has two hemispheres and they are linked by corpus callosum. The left hemisphere is mainly responsible for language processing and analytical thinking, whereas the right hemisphere is good at recognizing pattern in space. The brain is pretty weird, the left hemisphere takes in information from the right side of the body and vice versa - nobody knows why, ask some neuroscientists or neurosurgeons if you don't believe me. I don't want to go into details about how the retina works and how the brain process image, but suffice to say if the retinas pick up something on the left side of its hemisphere it will be processed by the left brain and vice versa.
There is this weird case where a surgeon cut a patient's corpus callosum to save him from extreme seizure. So this person's right brain cannot 'talk' to the left brain and vice versa. A psychologist conducted some experiment to evaluate the 'damage done' by this operation. Here is what happened, when the psychologist flashed a card with a picture of chicken to the right of the patient, the left side of the retina hemispheres picked it up and sent the information to the brain's left hemisphere - remember this is the language processing hemisphere. Then he asked, "What did you see?" The patient answered "A chicken." But when he flashed the chicken card to the left of the patient (remember the right hemisphere will pick up the signal) and he asked "What did you see?" The patient answered, "Nothing." That is because the chicken card image information wasn't passed to the left hemisphere of the brain which 'does the talking', as the interlink between them is severed.
Weird aight? But wait... Now he flashes two cards, at the right a picture of chicken claw and at the left a picture of a house covered in snow. Then he asked the patient to pick from an array of cards what "goes with" with what he had seen. The patient pointed to the picture of chicken with his right hand (which goes with the chicken claw) and a shovel with his left hand (which goes with the house covered with snow). But remember the information from the right brain can't be passed to the left to do the talking. So the patient literally won't be able to explain why he is pointing to the shovel even though his hand knows it's just right. You would expect him to say "I don't know why I'm pointing to the shovel" right? But no, he said "Oh, that's easy, The chicken claw goes with the chicken, and you need a shovel to clean out the chicken shed."
The mind confabulates! So remember, that's what you do, you confabulate. You don't know about a lot of things but you make up your own explanation for them, thus you get worried about a plethora of imaginary things. How wonderful...
The best solution that I have found so far is to plant a cognitive filter in your mind. Cognitive filter is like a thought police. You have to catch your thread of thought in action, determine whether you are confabulating or not, and put them away if you think most likely you are. But that is just very hard to do right? Actually writing your thoughts down and assess their rationality is what psychologists call cognitive therapy. I thought it will be interesting to learn cognitive therapy, I bought this book but I don't have the time to read it yet.
There is one more big question that we have to tackle: So what is real then if everything is just confabulation? There must be something tangible and real... I guess, but you just don't have to think about it. Wait.. wait.. quantum physics says, it's real only when you observe it, the Schrodinger's cat. Well other people observe it so it's real, it's just that you don't observe it. And you don't have to...
Just when you think you own your mind, no you don't - me (haha..)
The whole universe is change and life itself is but what you deem it - Marcus Aurelius
Note1: The experiment was conducted by Michael Gazzaniga and explained by Haidt. I'm just repeating them.
Note2: I don't want to go in circles all over again about this. So mind, stop thinking... I just want to not-do-anything. Ntah pape merepek.
Before I begin, everybody must know this vocab: Confabulate. Meaning? To fill in gaps in memory by fabrication; that's what we do the best, fooling ourselves up. Actually we are so good at it, we don't even realize it. Look, if you don't know, then you don't know. But our mind is so good at making up these plausible fantasy explanations, in our psyche we are convinced about the reality of it; whereas it is only the construct of our mind. This is where most of the worries come from and it is not even real. Although sometimes the mind confabulates for a good reason: A mom is constantly worried about the safety of her child; she can think of 1001 situations where things can go wrong but they rarely even happen. I don't need to tell you situations where the mind confabulates and screws you up, do I?
Well, you say, I'm just rambling this thing up, it's not even scientific. So let's get scientific. The brain has two hemispheres and they are linked by corpus callosum. The left hemisphere is mainly responsible for language processing and analytical thinking, whereas the right hemisphere is good at recognizing pattern in space. The brain is pretty weird, the left hemisphere takes in information from the right side of the body and vice versa - nobody knows why, ask some neuroscientists or neurosurgeons if you don't believe me. I don't want to go into details about how the retina works and how the brain process image, but suffice to say if the retinas pick up something on the left side of its hemisphere it will be processed by the left brain and vice versa.
There is this weird case where a surgeon cut a patient's corpus callosum to save him from extreme seizure. So this person's right brain cannot 'talk' to the left brain and vice versa. A psychologist conducted some experiment to evaluate the 'damage done' by this operation. Here is what happened, when the psychologist flashed a card with a picture of chicken to the right of the patient, the left side of the retina hemispheres picked it up and sent the information to the brain's left hemisphere - remember this is the language processing hemisphere. Then he asked, "What did you see?" The patient answered "A chicken." But when he flashed the chicken card to the left of the patient (remember the right hemisphere will pick up the signal) and he asked "What did you see?" The patient answered, "Nothing." That is because the chicken card image information wasn't passed to the left hemisphere of the brain which 'does the talking', as the interlink between them is severed.
Weird aight? But wait... Now he flashes two cards, at the right a picture of chicken claw and at the left a picture of a house covered in snow. Then he asked the patient to pick from an array of cards what "goes with" with what he had seen. The patient pointed to the picture of chicken with his right hand (which goes with the chicken claw) and a shovel with his left hand (which goes with the house covered with snow). But remember the information from the right brain can't be passed to the left to do the talking. So the patient literally won't be able to explain why he is pointing to the shovel even though his hand knows it's just right. You would expect him to say "I don't know why I'm pointing to the shovel" right? But no, he said "Oh, that's easy, The chicken claw goes with the chicken, and you need a shovel to clean out the chicken shed."
The mind confabulates! So remember, that's what you do, you confabulate. You don't know about a lot of things but you make up your own explanation for them, thus you get worried about a plethora of imaginary things. How wonderful...
The best solution that I have found so far is to plant a cognitive filter in your mind. Cognitive filter is like a thought police. You have to catch your thread of thought in action, determine whether you are confabulating or not, and put them away if you think most likely you are. But that is just very hard to do right? Actually writing your thoughts down and assess their rationality is what psychologists call cognitive therapy. I thought it will be interesting to learn cognitive therapy, I bought this book but I don't have the time to read it yet.
There is one more big question that we have to tackle: So what is real then if everything is just confabulation? There must be something tangible and real... I guess, but you just don't have to think about it. Wait.. wait.. quantum physics says, it's real only when you observe it, the Schrodinger's cat. Well other people observe it so it's real, it's just that you don't observe it. And you don't have to...
Just when you think you own your mind, no you don't - me (haha..)
The whole universe is change and life itself is but what you deem it - Marcus Aurelius
Note1: The experiment was conducted by Michael Gazzaniga and explained by Haidt. I'm just repeating them.
Note2: I don't want to go in circles all over again about this. So mind, stop thinking... I just want to not-do-anything. Ntah pape merepek.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Celebrity Status
| Shock Dead, Everybody's Gone Mad: Reflections on the Death of Michael Jackson By Hamza Yusuf | |||||
| |||||
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Are You in Love?
This is my note of Shaykh Abdus Salam lecture at YTC 09 titled: Are You in Love? The discourse is a bit sufisticated, but you know what? If there is a benefit that we can gain, why do we distinct so much between this and that. As usual, the hadiths don't have their chain of naration, and the authenticity of the akhbar are not known.
If a muslim does not love he does not have anything at all. Unfortunately today love is decreasing among the ulama’, among muslim, amongs locality, etc. Love is a very, very great quality, without it we are going to nowhere. “You will never enter jannah until you have iman, and you will never have iman, until you have love for one another.” (hadith). Iman should be followed by good character. You young people today, get this message of love so that you can take it because as we go closer to day of qiyamah, people are becoming more selfish, self-centered, and arrogant. “One of the first things to be removed from this world is khusyu’ (hadith) When you pray, take you time in your sajdah, in your rukuk, in your qiyam, don’t rush it.
“There is no iman for one who has no love” (hadith). “There is no solah for one who has no wudhu’” (hadith). The same principle is at work here. You can perform all your solah, your hajj, but if you don’t have love, you’re like a stone. Some of us may have hearts that are like stones. Unfortunately, when muslims meet muslims we look for confrontation, we look for debate, we look for ambivalent. We don’t come with love, we don’t meet each other with love, with humilty, with respect.
Indeed listen well, “The body of man is a lump of flesh, when that lump of flesh is good, the whole body becomes good, when that lump of flesh becomes corrupted, every part of the body becomes corrupted.” (hadith) You know where thoughts come from? When these thoughts are inside of us, these thoughts invite you towards virtue; these thoughts are called inspiration (ilham). When these thoughts are evil, they come from syaitan and from the nafs. The place fo knowledge, haqa’iq (reality) is inside the chest. The brain sometimes advises the heart; the heart will say yeah, but he still wants it. The heart desires something, instead of love, it wants to hate. Instead of sincerity, it wants to show off. The king of the body is the heart. When heart wants something, the brain will say “No, it’s bad, don’t do it”, but the heart will ignore it and carry out its desire.
So if you want to love you have to awaken this inside here (pointing to the heart). When I used to study way back, when I was younger in college, I was in Mexico, I write GCE Cambridge, and I wasn’t a muslim yet. There is this girl who told me love isn’t like a radio, you can’t turn it on and off. The people they love, they become jilted; love sickness and love worries. Men with the wrong guidance drink because they can’t turn it off. Only Allah can control the heart. “O Allah, turn on our hearts, turn our hearts towards obedience, keep our heart firms upon your path” (Prophet’s s.a.w. prayer).
We all fall in love, sometimes we loose the quality of love, we don’t love anymore. When we talk about love, where does it comes from? Imam Bukhari reported under the topic: Love is from Allah. Isn’t Allah’s name al-Wadud? There is a hadith that goes along this line: When Allah loves somebody, Allah calls Jibril: Allah loves so and so person, so Jibril you love him too. Then Jibril calls out to the inmates of the heaven and the sky, “O dwellers of the sky, Allah loves that person. So you also love him.” Then the inmates, the angels, the dwellers of the sky begin to love that person. So much so that everything loves him, even creatures and animals in the sea love him and pray for him. Until acceptance is placed on him on the land, wherever he goes, he is loved.
Unfortunately, what we know of love today is the love of Laila and Majnun. We talk about girlfriend and boyfriend, wife and husband. Majnun was so in love with Laila; he can’t see and he can’t sleep. When you love somebody you love the city of that person, the dog of the beloved, when you get something from your beloved you treasure it. So does Majnun. The ariffin says this is the type of love we should have for Allah. For a lot of people the kiblah becomes the kiblah of a woman. Everything is about woman. I know you have good women here in Canada, I’m not talking about those women.
We fall in love, and why not? Imam Bukhari studies from the student of Abdullah ibn Mubarak. He was known as ustadhuz asatidhah. Abdulah ibn Mubarrak was the student of Imam Abu Hanifah. But Abdullah ibn Mubarrak was in love too, very much in love with a girl. He would spend sleepless night thinking about this girl because he was in love with her. He would wake the night to see the girl to move from one place to another place. Then there is this voice that says, Abdallah, how many nights have you spend to love creatures? Why don’t you spend just a night in the love of the Khaliq (the Creator).
Hatim ibn Asam, his sheikh aked him, “You have spent 30 years with me. Tell me what did you learn?” Hatim said, I have learnt eight things. These eight things, it would take perhaps a lifetime for a person to know the reality of only one of them. Today I share one of them. I see people fall in love, a man loves his wife, a woman loves a man as a woman loves a man very strongly - the lover and the beloved. Sometimes people love things and they become attached to things. Some people love their car so much that they polish them and wax their cars. Sometimes a man loves his children. This is great love, real attachment, it is noble. (referring to filial love). Somebody loves somebody, somebody loves something.
It was in one janazah when the reality came in. The lover was going to the grave alone. His whole life he loves his wife, children, objects but I noticed that a lover is going to grave alone and the beloved can’t control. I decided to travel the world, I want to fall in love with such an entity that would not leave me. I want to look for some entity that would go in the grave with me. I search that and I can’t find it except for one thing: good righteous deed (‘amal soleh), that is the only thing. From that day I have decided to fall in love with righteous action (good dead). If we have to fall in love, let’s be sensible people, fall in love with things that can accompany us to the grave.
P.S. If you are thinking about the 'earthly' answer to the question, are you in love? Maybe National Geographic might have a close enough answer for you here. Note: You can always choose not to see the pictures and just listen to the audio of the video (although only minority of them are 'unsuitable'). Just don't well, say I'm bla3...
If a muslim does not love he does not have anything at all. Unfortunately today love is decreasing among the ulama’, among muslim, amongs locality, etc. Love is a very, very great quality, without it we are going to nowhere. “You will never enter jannah until you have iman, and you will never have iman, until you have love for one another.” (hadith). Iman should be followed by good character. You young people today, get this message of love so that you can take it because as we go closer to day of qiyamah, people are becoming more selfish, self-centered, and arrogant. “One of the first things to be removed from this world is khusyu’ (hadith) When you pray, take you time in your sajdah, in your rukuk, in your qiyam, don’t rush it.
“There is no iman for one who has no love” (hadith). “There is no solah for one who has no wudhu’” (hadith). The same principle is at work here. You can perform all your solah, your hajj, but if you don’t have love, you’re like a stone. Some of us may have hearts that are like stones. Unfortunately, when muslims meet muslims we look for confrontation, we look for debate, we look for ambivalent. We don’t come with love, we don’t meet each other with love, with humilty, with respect.
Indeed listen well, “The body of man is a lump of flesh, when that lump of flesh is good, the whole body becomes good, when that lump of flesh becomes corrupted, every part of the body becomes corrupted.” (hadith) You know where thoughts come from? When these thoughts are inside of us, these thoughts invite you towards virtue; these thoughts are called inspiration (ilham). When these thoughts are evil, they come from syaitan and from the nafs. The place fo knowledge, haqa’iq (reality) is inside the chest. The brain sometimes advises the heart; the heart will say yeah, but he still wants it. The heart desires something, instead of love, it wants to hate. Instead of sincerity, it wants to show off. The king of the body is the heart. When heart wants something, the brain will say “No, it’s bad, don’t do it”, but the heart will ignore it and carry out its desire.
So if you want to love you have to awaken this inside here (pointing to the heart). When I used to study way back, when I was younger in college, I was in Mexico, I write GCE Cambridge, and I wasn’t a muslim yet. There is this girl who told me love isn’t like a radio, you can’t turn it on and off. The people they love, they become jilted; love sickness and love worries. Men with the wrong guidance drink because they can’t turn it off. Only Allah can control the heart. “O Allah, turn on our hearts, turn our hearts towards obedience, keep our heart firms upon your path” (Prophet’s s.a.w. prayer).
We all fall in love, sometimes we loose the quality of love, we don’t love anymore. When we talk about love, where does it comes from? Imam Bukhari reported under the topic: Love is from Allah. Isn’t Allah’s name al-Wadud? There is a hadith that goes along this line: When Allah loves somebody, Allah calls Jibril: Allah loves so and so person, so Jibril you love him too. Then Jibril calls out to the inmates of the heaven and the sky, “O dwellers of the sky, Allah loves that person. So you also love him.” Then the inmates, the angels, the dwellers of the sky begin to love that person. So much so that everything loves him, even creatures and animals in the sea love him and pray for him. Until acceptance is placed on him on the land, wherever he goes, he is loved.
Unfortunately, what we know of love today is the love of Laila and Majnun. We talk about girlfriend and boyfriend, wife and husband. Majnun was so in love with Laila; he can’t see and he can’t sleep. When you love somebody you love the city of that person, the dog of the beloved, when you get something from your beloved you treasure it. So does Majnun. The ariffin says this is the type of love we should have for Allah. For a lot of people the kiblah becomes the kiblah of a woman. Everything is about woman. I know you have good women here in Canada, I’m not talking about those women.
We fall in love, and why not? Imam Bukhari studies from the student of Abdullah ibn Mubarak. He was known as ustadhuz asatidhah. Abdulah ibn Mubarrak was the student of Imam Abu Hanifah. But Abdullah ibn Mubarrak was in love too, very much in love with a girl. He would spend sleepless night thinking about this girl because he was in love with her. He would wake the night to see the girl to move from one place to another place. Then there is this voice that says, Abdallah, how many nights have you spend to love creatures? Why don’t you spend just a night in the love of the Khaliq (the Creator).
Hatim ibn Asam, his sheikh aked him, “You have spent 30 years with me. Tell me what did you learn?” Hatim said, I have learnt eight things. These eight things, it would take perhaps a lifetime for a person to know the reality of only one of them. Today I share one of them. I see people fall in love, a man loves his wife, a woman loves a man as a woman loves a man very strongly - the lover and the beloved. Sometimes people love things and they become attached to things. Some people love their car so much that they polish them and wax their cars. Sometimes a man loves his children. This is great love, real attachment, it is noble. (referring to filial love). Somebody loves somebody, somebody loves something.
It was in one janazah when the reality came in. The lover was going to the grave alone. His whole life he loves his wife, children, objects but I noticed that a lover is going to grave alone and the beloved can’t control. I decided to travel the world, I want to fall in love with such an entity that would not leave me. I want to look for some entity that would go in the grave with me. I search that and I can’t find it except for one thing: good righteous deed (‘amal soleh), that is the only thing. From that day I have decided to fall in love with righteous action (good dead). If we have to fall in love, let’s be sensible people, fall in love with things that can accompany us to the grave.
P.S. If you are thinking about the 'earthly' answer to the question, are you in love? Maybe National Geographic might have a close enough answer for you here. Note: You can always choose not to see the pictures and just listen to the audio of the video (although only minority of them are 'unsuitable'). Just don't well, say I'm bla3...
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Operation Flouxetine I
Hmm, I officially fail and kind of give up today, just so that the whole world know. It is empirically measured that I can prolong my Mean Time Before Failure (MTBF) if I try to starve myself with some sort of a discipline regime. Although, yes, I hate to admit this: It is also scientifically proven that I can't keep it up for a prolong period, because I just simply don't have the will power. So what is there left for humanity? The simplest answer is "I don't know". I figured that Flouxetine would probably the easiest way out, but I don't even know its effectiveness. So maybe let's do something simple, after all this is kind of like a marathon with seemingly no end in sight.Operation Flouxetine:-
1) Thou shall sleep before 12
2) Thou shall go to work at 9
3) Thou shall kemas the katil
4) Isnin & Khamis
5) Max internet time = 1 hour / day
(this seems more viable than no this and that, after all it's pointless if I keep staring at the monitor for hours. ops...)
6) Two days/week, thou shalt do what thou art supposed to do.
7) The three bows before sleep.
So let's wait before I fail again, again, and again, yet again. God, I can't feel You...
P.S. After busying myself with physiology-just-for-fun, I am a bit more chemistrified than I usually am. But still, it's more about math equations, thus the phys prefix.
P.S. After busying myself with physiology-just-for-fun, I am a bit more chemistrified than I usually am. But still, it's more about math equations, thus the phys prefix.
35th ISNA Canada
Guest Speaker... DSAIP.S. Maybe, finally I get to meet Dr. Umar Faruq Abdallah. But what shall I do with my rogers cup semi-final ticket? More importantly, my friend, takkan nak tinggal je. Huhu.. Maybe Saturday Montreal & Sunday Toronto.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
A Splash Into the Water
Ahh, finally I'm going to write something about local politics here and maybe for the last time too because - echoing Bangku - it's not worth it. I'm just not the type who likes to open hours of sembang kopi politik unless I find you un-extremist (if such word exists at all). Since most people are extremists, I find political talk as useless - people just enjoy the ego match.
Now there is this big issue about PAS bastardizing itself. Well, if you talk to any pro-PKR person, that's what they will tell you. If you talk to those people in PAS who are pro-unity government talk, they will say Mosses a.s. was commanded to go to Pharaoh and speak to him a gentle word (20:44). It is as if they have never heard of that verse before... I guess PAS is feeling the heat of the diversity within itself. From my observation,the main premises of arguments are the racial issue and of course everybody's personal interest. The pro-PKR people will say some people in PAS want to join the 'Malay chauvinist' bandwagon. Yada... yada... The "Islamdom" talk becomes just a background noise because if both parties are honest with themselves: That is not the issue.
From the look of it, we still have a long way to go before we resolve these patty ethno-religious issue. Till then, no politicking on this blog for me. Wait until the newspaper is full of issues regarding education, development, economic policy, and not these... 'things'. I tell you what, these 'things' go round and round forever, every post will sound just like the last one.
Now there is this big issue about PAS bastardizing itself. Well, if you talk to any pro-PKR person, that's what they will tell you. If you talk to those people in PAS who are pro-unity government talk, they will say Mosses a.s. was commanded to go to Pharaoh and speak to him a gentle word (20:44). It is as if they have never heard of that verse before... I guess PAS is feeling the heat of the diversity within itself. From my observation,the main premises of arguments are the racial issue and of course everybody's personal interest. The pro-PKR people will say some people in PAS want to join the 'Malay chauvinist' bandwagon. Yada... yada... The "Islamdom" talk becomes just a background noise because if both parties are honest with themselves: That is not the issue.
From the look of it, we still have a long way to go before we resolve these patty ethno-religious issue. Till then, no politicking on this blog for me. Wait until the newspaper is full of issues regarding education, development, economic policy, and not these... 'things'. I tell you what, these 'things' go round and round forever, every post will sound just like the last one.
Note1: So... Do I work to achieve that new world? Which side? You don't need to know my partisanship because I am even confused myself.
Note2: As for Iran, I am still gathering my intelligence. Thanks nasri for the wake up call.
Note3: As for SIS, listen to him, he engages them firsthand. As for my view, here. I understand the uneasiness, but let's be a bit gentle.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Sunday, June 21, 2009
What Day Again Is It Today?
"Most important of all, pursuit of an interest with enthusiasm is the key driving force to foster and sustain interest in any endeavors" (My dad's inaugural lecture)
I know for a fact that my dad lives by those words. To me, if an educator has this chance to deliver his last lecture that supposedly defines him, and all he talks about is his greatest research period, then there is something terribly wrong with the education system. So are you telling me mr. educator, the only wisdom you want to part to this world are just those Greek scientific jargon? I'd rather quit university if that is what university means. Luckily I don't have to worry about my dad reducing the meaning of university to nothingness -and perhaps me ending up working as a janitor because I fail to get my degree - because I know for a fact that he is not the boring type of guy :) He has his visions, principles, and idealism.
Let me give you a possible scenario: Today, some big name gives his inaugural lecture and the lecture hall is packed with these eager minds. Then the educator labors through his boring research paper in a monotonous way and these eager minds pretend to understand what he is talking about. Surprise... Surprise... He even gives a quiz at the end of the session! So now everybody in the lecture hall understands the true meaning of education: Just exam... After everything is said and done, these eager minds leave the hall feeling they are on another level of intellectual plane because they just got fed with new greek words that they never knew before. They don't bother the fact that they don't understand a single thing the guy was talking about, as long as they can say "I have attended this [insert big name here]'s lecture."
There is something wrong with that picture isn't it? Plus, nobody has to do something in a specific way just because everybody else does it that way. This guy is a true educator. That is true wisdom!
Oh wait, today is father's day right? But I guess father's day is the day when I'm with him balik kampung and he tells stories - for the hundredth time, shhhh, don't tell him I'm saying this - about all the mischevious stuff that he did during his childhood and why my atuk is such a great man. It can't be the day I'm 14795.55 kilometers away.
Note1: "Janitor" wasn't used in a condescending manner if you understand what I mean.
Note2: I can't do this... adeiii...
I know for a fact that my dad lives by those words. To me, if an educator has this chance to deliver his last lecture that supposedly defines him, and all he talks about is his greatest research period, then there is something terribly wrong with the education system. So are you telling me mr. educator, the only wisdom you want to part to this world are just those Greek scientific jargon? I'd rather quit university if that is what university means. Luckily I don't have to worry about my dad reducing the meaning of university to nothingness -and perhaps me ending up working as a janitor because I fail to get my degree - because I know for a fact that he is not the boring type of guy :) He has his visions, principles, and idealism.
Let me give you a possible scenario: Today, some big name gives his inaugural lecture and the lecture hall is packed with these eager minds. Then the educator labors through his boring research paper in a monotonous way and these eager minds pretend to understand what he is talking about. Surprise... Surprise... He even gives a quiz at the end of the session! So now everybody in the lecture hall understands the true meaning of education: Just exam... After everything is said and done, these eager minds leave the hall feeling they are on another level of intellectual plane because they just got fed with new greek words that they never knew before. They don't bother the fact that they don't understand a single thing the guy was talking about, as long as they can say "I have attended this [insert big name here]
Note2: I can't do this... adeiii...
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Just Scared
Scary is your status,
You know your premier school,
The one that you're so proud about,
As though the name gives you an IQ boost,
But it only gives you an inflated ego,
The one that you can't forgo,
The alma mater that won’t even matter,
On the day, we will all gather,
So what with your religious school?
You act as though it gives you a pahala boost,
Like the concrete will be put on the mizan,
But it only gives you the disease of wahn,
Preaching people, but you’re even worse,
Finding status by quoting verse,
Scary is your money,
You love it,
Yes, you love it,
Oh I know you love it,
Stop bluffing you don’t love it,
You count your every cent,
You donate only when it makes sense,
But even scarier is the society,
The way they judge you,
The things they want from you,
The stuff of thought that you can’t control,
Leaving you in confusion and suspicion,
Desperate for some genuine sincerity,
Something you thought you will never see,
Definitely, maybe,
By now you should have realize it,
Scary is when you have it,
But scarier is when you have it
And you don’t want it.
You know your premier school,
The one that you're so proud about,
As though the name gives you an IQ boost,
But it only gives you an inflated ego,
The one that you can't forgo,
The alma mater that won’t even matter,
On the day, we will all gather,
So what with your religious school?
You act as though it gives you a pahala boost,
Like the concrete will be put on the mizan,
But it only gives you the disease of wahn,
Preaching people, but you’re even worse,
Finding status by quoting verse,
Scary is your money,
You love it,
Yes, you love it,
Oh I know you love it,
Stop bluffing you don’t love it,
You count your every cent,
You donate only when it makes sense,
But even scarier is the society,
The way they judge you,
The things they want from you,
The stuff of thought that you can’t control,
Leaving you in confusion and suspicion,
Desperate for some genuine sincerity,
Something you thought you will never see,
Definitely, maybe,
By now you should have realize it,
Scary is when you have it,
But scarier is when you have it
And you don’t want it.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
The Deepest of Its Meaning
There was this architect who designed the most beautiful skyscraper, then he just left his design room with the drawings of the skyscraper without his initials lying on the desk. He locked the door and he didn't intend to ever return back to the firm. He thought, someday someone will discover his drawing and the skyscraper will inevitably be erected - just not as his work of art. True enough, actually he lived to see the day when the majestic building dominated the city's skyline. He looked at the building with unparalleled understanding that only he alone understood the deepest of its meaning. He smiled and felt happy that the structural majesty finally got the treatment that it deserved :)
There was this mathematician who propounded the most elegant solution for the world's most bewildering mathematical problem. Some people say he actually found the Theory of Everything alone and successfully established the once seemingly improbable marriage between quantum physics and relativistic physics. Then he just left his room with his solution untitled, unnamed, lying on the desk. He locked the door and he didn't intend to ever return back to the room. He thought, someday someone will discover his solution and the world will inevitably be able to solve the problem. True enough, actually he lived to see the day when mankind laid claim on the discovery of the Theory of Everything. On that day, he looked at the sky with unparalleled understanding that only he alone understood the deepest of its meaning. He dreaded that humankind will be extinct because of his work of genius, but he was hopeful that they will use it for unprecedented, beneficial purposes. Either way, he smiled and he was a happy man at that moment :)
There was this programmer who programmed the world's fastest operating system which uses almost no memory overhead at all. Then he just left his lab with the source code of the operating system in his unnamed computer. He locked the door and he didn't intend to ever return back to the lab. He thought, someday someone will discover his source code and the operating system will inevitably be launched. True enough, actually he lived to see the day when the operating system dominated the pc market and changed the whole corporate software world. He bought a copy of the operating system, installed it, and looked at the screen with unparalleled understanding that only he alone understood the deepest of its meaning. He smiled and felt happy that the world tasted this fine piece of program :)
P.S. Actually it's more like the sweetest sadness, but maybe some people truly learn how to trick themselves. Just smile :)
There was this mathematician who propounded the most elegant solution for the world's most bewildering mathematical problem. Some people say he actually found the Theory of Everything alone and successfully established the once seemingly improbable marriage between quantum physics and relativistic physics. Then he just left his room with his solution untitled, unnamed, lying on the desk. He locked the door and he didn't intend to ever return back to the room. He thought, someday someone will discover his solution and the world will inevitably be able to solve the problem. True enough, actually he lived to see the day when mankind laid claim on the discovery of the Theory of Everything. On that day, he looked at the sky with unparalleled understanding that only he alone understood the deepest of its meaning. He dreaded that humankind will be extinct because of his work of genius, but he was hopeful that they will use it for unprecedented, beneficial purposes. Either way, he smiled and he was a happy man at that moment :)
There was this programmer who programmed the world's fastest operating system which uses almost no memory overhead at all. Then he just left his lab with the source code of the operating system in his unnamed computer. He locked the door and he didn't intend to ever return back to the lab. He thought, someday someone will discover his source code and the operating system will inevitably be launched. True enough, actually he lived to see the day when the operating system dominated the pc market and changed the whole corporate software world. He bought a copy of the operating system, installed it, and looked at the screen with unparalleled understanding that only he alone understood the deepest of its meaning. He smiled and felt happy that the world tasted this fine piece of program :)
P.S. Actually it's more like the sweetest sadness, but maybe some people truly learn how to trick themselves. Just smile :)
Monday, June 15, 2009
Religion is easy...
The Prophet s.a.w. said, "Religion is easy and whoever overburdens himself in his religion will not be able to continue in that way. So you should not be extremists, but try to be near to perfection and receive good tidings that you will be rewarded; and gain strength by worshiping in the mornings, the nights."
(Sahih Bukhari, Vol 1, Book2, Number 38)
(Sahih Bukhari, Vol 1, Book2, Number 38)
"Sekarang dah tak boleh nak melancong melancong, aku kuat islam sekarang"
"Susah la ayah saya sekarang kuat Islam, pening saya."
Lol... Whose sunnah is that sir?
"Susah la ayah saya sekarang kuat Islam, pening saya."
Lol... Whose sunnah is that sir?
Please, come on la...
Note1: Actually, this is a path, once you know it, you can never turn back. Why? Because it is so good. Period.
Note2: Salmon masak asam pedas tastes pretty awesome
Note3: Finally I understand convolution.
Note2: Salmon masak asam pedas tastes pretty awesome
Note3: Finally I understand convolution.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Just go run to your local bookstore and buy it. If your local bookstore doesn't have it, just go order it at amazon.com. If you think the shipping is so expensive, then make sure when you go to any other bookstore, go and search it first. Don't worry, I don't recommend crappy books.Anyway, that just shows how much I like this book, now you don't have to do any of those ;) If I am to write a sentence that summarizes what this book is mainly about, it will be: An inspirational life story of a man who beats all the odds - big time. I know that's pretty cliched, and I'm not doing the book any justice here, but it doesn't matter whether I write 1001 eloquent words to describe it or not, because you would have already made up your mind by the end of the first paragraph :) (not to buy, I know)
I do follow the cycling world a bit, I don't really know why, I don't do bike racing, but I do watch the famous tours on tv if they are being broadcast. I just love to watch the peloton scrambling, gruelling mountain climbing stages, and the strategy to position oneself for the final sprint in a stage. Plus, one of my best friends from high school was a cycling freak - he is still one.
So I know who is Lance Armstrong beforehand and I know that he owns the legendary Le Tour de France. So when I bought this book I thought there must be something that can be learned from this guy - he is no ordinary person. Well, my Le Tour de France is my studies at the moment, I can learn something from him. Another thing that caught my eyes was "cancer survivor." Just don't mention chemo to me, anybody who braves himself/herself through it will instantly be a hero/heroine in my eyes. It's like the worst nightmare you can imagine, I've seen it with my own eyes. Simply put, a couple of the most beloved people to my mom had fought that thing...
Lance is actually very, very smart. He is one of those sportsmen who is very knowledgable about the science of his sport and tune everything to millimeter precision - his up-to-decimal callory precision diet, his optimum aerodynamics racing position, his bike setup, his sleeping pattern, well he is paranoid about everything... But his battle against cancer is what defines him: every tour that he wins is a triumph for cancer survivors. Of course he has a foundation for cancer. By the way, the thing that he day-dreamed about when he was about to win the most gruelling mountain climbing stage in Le Tour de France 1999 was a scene from Good Will Hunting: "How do you like them apples?" And Good Will Hunting is my all-time favorite! What I've learned the most from Lance is: If you face overwhemling odds, just brave them fearless and suffer... It's okay to just give up if you don't mind being a loser without even trying.
From now on it will be how I reflect/relate to the book. I have a flair for 'computer', I don't know, I'm just kind of natural with programming, debugging, digital logic, fixing issues, etc. But I realize that in the end math is the language of science. If you want to do anything interesting there must be math involved. Programming language is like a sprint stage, while math is the mountain climbing stage, and the latter is what makes or breaks for a tour. Well, if you want to be a sprint champion, there are races just for that - but those races are not revered like the tour. And I have made up my mind that I don't want to do just computer - meaning the chip industry.
Note: This paragraph is just random rambling, please skip it if randomness bothers you.
Well, who needs a faster PC nowadays other than those game junkies? Just like who needs a faster car when the environment is coughing blood? - but I have to admit that I have a weakness for those extra bhp in the engine ;) Well, probably in the future your iphone can do cheap video talk thanks to some fast mobility processor and advance video encoding algorithm that doesn't require you a 3G connection (I'm just making this up). But you know what, you can have your video call or whatever, but it doesn't make you love your family more just because you can see them from far across the continent - yeah, it's nice to have it. Anyway, the world works such that the cornerstone of processor speed is driven by the PC market - demand, profit, basic econ. Of course faster processors have lots of benefits in other more beneficial fields such as bio-instrumentation, energy regulation, etc. Ok, this is going too random...
Back on track, if I am going to do interesting things such as robotic, image processing, speech recognition, etc. I need math. Just like the once sprinter-specialist Lance Armstrong needs to learn how to climb the hill if he wants to win the tour. It's very simple... I've found the odds, now I just need to suffer. Plus, I've learned to believe off late, my control theory (robotic-related) subject was my second best last semester. Now I need to dabble in signal processing and electromagnetics to make things more interesting... Anything is possible, with His will. I used to not able to distinguish between 'p' and'q', 'a' and 'b', etc but now I'm the most ardent book lover. But mom brave against the odds for me during that time, I was just a kid who luckily had dedicated parents who knew I wasn't stupid.
If you ask me what I really want to do in the future, I would say, if I'm given the opportunity I want to do something related to biomedic. I've mellowed down over the years, if you happen to read my random rambling above, I have little faith in technology-for-technology sake. Well, a best friend of mine who've walked with me through my 'indecision process', would now probably shout at me: "Why didn't you do biomed right from the start?!?!" (I hope you're not reading this, or just be quiet pretty please). The biomed thingy was heavy on chem and I'm allergic to that. I'm doing pure ECE but interested in the application of it in that field. There is a HUGE difference there. This is where, digital signal processing, control theory, electromagnetics, etc. get interesting. But in the end, nobody knows what the future hold, and in the end the economic situation, job availability, and other outside factors will play substantial roles in the final decision. - Allahu'alam. But that's the plan for now, Lance has help a lot, go for the mountain :)
By the way, I ran to and around Harbour Front today to fill my time waiting for maghrib, which was around 9 ish. Not quite many people were there (by summer standard), because this summer is peculiarly cold. But it was pretty good weather for running. The street magicians, juggler, performers weren't there yet, but I guess by July it will be lively.
Itik dekat Harbor Front. Dia kata, "Let the suffer-feast begin."
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