A Random Compilation Of Wisdoms

Wisdom 1: Dissension, Reconciliation, and Ego.
Treat differences among your fellow kin with kindness and nothing but kindness. Mu’awiyah once said, “if there was a hair of relationship between me and someone else, if he pulled on it I would release, and if he released it, I would pull.” Often, your ego will be the main obstacle in exercising kindness in dealing with dissensions. So be wary of your own ego before you worry about other people’s actions and hidden motives. Remember: “Let not some men among you deride others who may be better than they (are), nor let women (deride) women who may be better than they are; neither defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. Evil is a bad name after faith.” [Sûrah al-Hujurât: 11].

Take heed of Imam Ash-Syafi’e’s fine advice on brotherhood:-
"The following three conditions are signs of the genuine nature of one's love for his brother in religion: To tolerate a few small errors without reproaching the other party, and accept that person for what he is; to cover up any unbecoming actions performed openly;to forgive any wrong directed towards oneself."

Syaikh Hamza Yusuf once spoke on Islam Channel: "There’s a verse in the Qur’an that is very interesting to me, and probably to most of you, ‘If people incline towards reconciliation, incline with them and trust in God. When they want to incline towards peace, you incline towards peace; and if they want to deceive you, if there’s some hidden ulterior motive, God is enough for you.’ Don’t worry about that, that’s not your concern. Peace is so precious, that anybody who reaches out for peace, you should reach out with them for peace” (I believe he was talking about Surah Al-Anfal: 8).



Wisdom 2: The Inner Lawyer.
Find the inner lawyer in you – now this is very important. Think for a second: to be a good lawyer, it often helps to be a good liar. Although most lawyers won’t tell a direct lie, most will do what they can to hide the inconvenient truths, while offering a plausible alternative version of ‘what really happened’ to the jury – a story that they know is not true. Know that your inner lawyer works the same way, but the biggest and most important difference is you actually believe the story he makes up! So catch him when he is in action.

People who are asked to read a study showing that drinking coffee is unhealthy would think extra hard to find flaws in the study – flaws that people who don’t drink coffee won’t notice. When someone reprimanded you for not going to the mosque for Solat Juma’ah, in an instance your brain will be busy cogitating about a valid justification for your misconduct: “The mosque was too far away. Hmm, not really. Oh yeah, my class ended extra late today. Then I was so, so, so hungry, I needed to eat first, and by the time I finished the food, I was already too late for the prayer. Anyway, I won’t be able to concentrate on the khutbah if I went there with an empty stomach just now.”

Over and over again, studies have shown that people set out on a cognitive mission to bring back reasons to support their preferred action. And because we are usually successful in this mission, we end up with the illusion of objectivity. The only answer that I can think of to overcome this problem is to have true moral sincerity, which is not something easy to attain, as we always tend to keep up appearances when it comes to morality: "If one of you wishes to content all the people, he cannot. The servant must be careful to have moral sincerity. Every good work he performs must remain between him and Allah." (Imam Ash-Syafi’e) How hard is that…


Wisdom 3: Khushoo’ in Solat.
Have khushoo’ in your solat. To me the degree of khushoo’ that you can attain in your solat is a strong indicator as to your current spiritual state. If you cannot attain humility towards Allah during those five minutes, then what chance for you to have humility towards Him for the rest of the day? If you often fail to attain khushoo’ then reflect hard on your current condition. Ask yourself: “To what extend do I love this dunya and to what extend do I neglect my duties towards Allah presently?”

At the same time, be wary of the khushoo’ of hypocrisy. Ibn Qayyim al-Jawziyya said, explaining the difference between the khushoo’ of true faith and the khushoo’ of the hypocrisy: “The khushoo’ of true faith is when the heart feels aware and humble before the greatness and glory of Allah, and is filled with awe, fear, and shyness, so that the heart is utterly humbled before Allah and broken, as it were, with fear, shyness, love and the recognition of the blessings of Allah and its own sins. So, no doubt, the khushoo’ of the heart is followed by the khushoo’ of the body.As for the khushoo’ of hypocrisy, it is something that is put on with a great show, but there is no khushoo’ in the heart.”

Ponder upon how the sahabah and the salaf were when they pray: ‘Ali ibn Abi Talib r.a. would be visibly shaken, and the color of his face would change when he was about to pray. It was said to him, “What is the matter with you?” He said, “By Allah, there has come the time of the Trust: “Indeed, We offered the Amanah [Trust] to the heavens and the earth and the mountains, but they declined to bear it and were afraid of it; but man bore it…” (Qur’an 33:72). Syaikh al-Islam Ibn Taimiyah, when he started to pray, used to tremble so much that he would lean right and left. Just compare this with what we do in our prayers nowadays: Thinking about the unsolved math problems in calculus, planning what to do next, fiddling with our nose, checking the watch, etc.


Wisdom 4: Conduct in a Debate, Discussion, or Assembly
Remember Imam Ash-Syafi’e’s words when you are in a heated debate: “Never do I argue with a man with a desire to hear him say what is wrong, or to expose him and win victory over him. Whenever I face an opponent in debate I silently pray - "O Allah, help him so that truth may flow from his heart and on his tongue, and so that if truth is on my side, he may follow me; and if truth be on his side, I may follow him." More importantly – if one is sincere in conveying the truth – choose wisely when to debate in public and when to give personal advice. These two modes will give a dramatically different impact on the one you seek to counsel, as Imam Ash-Syafi’e eloquently puts, "if anyone gives secret advice to his brother in faith, he will have engaged in good counseling and adorned him with good manners. If he seeks to give advice openly in public it will have no effect. He will, in a sense, have condemned the other party, and thus shamed him."

Listen carefully to Imam Abu Hanifah’s great advice:-
“Show people as much love as you can. Greet everyone, even the very lowly. If you gather with others in an assembly and discuss various problems, during which someone expresses an idea to which you are opposed, do not oppose them. If they ask you, give your opinion, speak what is in your heart, and say that there are such and such opinions on this subject and the proof is as follows. Thus, they will listen to you and understand the degree of your knowledge. Treat them gently and be tolerant. Show no boredom or weariness to anyone.

Comfort yourself as like one of them. Trust no one's friendship until it has been proven. Do not be friends with anyone low or vulgar. Be virtuous, generous, and deep of heart. Your clothes should be clean and new. Have a good horse to ride. Use pleasant scents. Be generous when you give people food to eat and satisfy everyone. Whenever you hear of any strife or corruption, hasten to resolve it. Visit those who visit you and those who do not. Always do good, whether others wish you good or ill. Forgive and turn a blind eye to some things. Abandon those things that distress you and try to do what is right. Visit those of your companions who fall ill, and ask after those you do not see. Take an interest in those who do not come to you." (From Abu Hanifah's bequest to his student Abu Yusuf).


One Last Shard of Wisdom…
“Never assume that anyone in this world can really understand your circumstances other than from the perspective of his own circumstances. This is because in reality people see things in accordance with their frames of references and their personal paths. However, when aims, purpose, and aspirations are similar, people tend to work together toward a common goal.” (Sidi Ahmad al-Zaruq)

Ramadhan di Bumi Toronto

Sebentar tadi aku melayari blog Abu Maryam dan aku terhibur dengan kisah-kisah pengalaman beliau menyambut bulan Ramadhan di bumi Ottawa. Jadi aku terasa ingin menukilkan pengalaman menyambut Ramadhan di bumi Toronto ini pula. Izin aku menyelit cerita-cerita sampingan dalam hidupku sekali.

Setakat ini, semester ini jauh lebih baik bagiku berbanding dengan tahun lepas. Aku menyewa sebuah apartment di 168 Simcoe Street, downtown Toronto (dekat dengan universiti) bersama dua orang rakan lain. Housemates aku sorang Indian Muslim, nama beliau Ali Akbar, dan sorang lagi Pakistani, nama beliau Uzayr. Mereka ini boleh dikatakan sama wavelength dengan aku, jadi kami boleh get along with each other dengan mudah. Aku mengenali Ali pada Ramadhan tahun lepas, apabila beliau menegur aku selepas kami selesai solat tarawikh di Masjid Toronto. Ali peramah orangnya, sebab itu la dia yang tegur aku pada masa itu, walaupun aku hanya a stranger to him. Aku pula agak pendiam la, boleh la kot bercakap bila perlu, tetapi ada sesetengah masa tak reti berhenti bercakap pula. Ali budak architecture a.k.a. artsies, aku dan Uzayr pula budak engineering, jadi mengikut tradisi universiti, budak artsies dan budak engineering sepatutnya tak sebulu. Kami ‘bergaduh’ juga la tentang itu sekali-sekala (bergurau saja la), tetapi akhirnya aku dan uzayr terpaksa akur dengan status Ali sebagai ‘bos’ rumah. Ini kerana beliau lah yang uruskan segala perihal renting dan lain-lain lagi. Ali sangat sistematik dan organized orangnya (which is so opposite of me), jadi aku kena la ‘merajinkan’ diri mengemas rumah dan barang-barang aku mengikut standard piawaian Ali. Ali mempunyai budi pekerti yang sangat menyenangkan dan beliau sangat mengambil berat tentang urusan agama, jadi aku bersyukur mempunyai housemate seperti beliau (Uzayr pon sama).

Kami ke Masjid Toronto (hanya 10 minutes walk sahaja dari apartment kami) untuk berbuka puasa (iftar) hampir tiap-tiap hari. Biasanya aku akan berjumpa dengan Zul, Mus, dan Safwan (‘junior’ aku) sekali di sana. Hightlight semasa iftar di Masjid Toronto biasanya ialah siri-siri kuliah (sembang kedai kopi saja la) tentang History of The Gulf. Ini kerana kami biasanya duduk bersama tambahan 4 orang teman setia, masing-masing daripada Iraq, Iran, Lebanon, dan Egypt semasa berbuka puasa. Iraq dan Iran sudah tentu la tidak sebulu kerana masalah-masalah politik antara kedua-kedua negara, jadi Mehdi (Iranian) dan Abdul Rahman (Iraqi) ada sahaja la topik yang akan mereka ‘perdebatkan’: Tentang Ahmadinejad, masalah Syi’ah dan Sunni, perang gulf 4+2, Saddam, dan banyak lagi. Abdul Kareem dari Lebanon pula jadi moderator, seperti mana negara Lebanon menjadi moderator bila Iran dan Iraq tengah panas hendak berperang. Kadang-kadang boleh jadi serious juga, tetapi biasanya mereka berseloroh sahaja kerana masing-masing kawan baik sebenarnya. Jikalau aku ada kelas di universiti sehingga pukul 6 atau 7 petang pula, biasanya aku akan berbuka puasa di iftar campus yang dianjurkan oleh Muslim Student Association (MSA).

Di Masjid Toronto mereka solat tarawikh 20 raka’at dan Imam membaca 1 juzu’ satu malam. Ada 2 imam regular yang bergilir selepas 10 raka’at pertama. Kadang-kala selepas 4 raka’at akan ada satu ceramah ringkas yang diberi oleh penceramah jemputan, dan kadang-kala akan ada fund raising session untuk membesarkan sebuah Islamic School di Toronto. Pada sepuluh malam terakhir pula, ada qiamulail dari pukul 12.30 hingga 1.30 pagi. Kira banyak la juga waktu bersolat tu kan, tetapi Ali masih tak berpuas hati (huhu..). Beliau pergi ke sebuah lagi masjid yang bernama Masjid Salahuddin untuk qiamulail. Di sana katanya imam membaca 3 juzu’ satu malam untuk qiamulail pada sepuluh malam terakhir bagi menghabiskan al-Qur’an dalam 10 malam tersebut. Masjid tersebut agak jauh dari apartment kami, jadi kena naik subway untuk ke sana. Ali ada mengajak aku tetapi belum kesampaian lagi untuk aku ke sana, kerana aku selalu sebok sahaja dengan pelbagai assignments (Artsies macam Ali memang la banyak free).

Terdapat sebuah lagi masjid di Toronto yang membaca 3 juzu’ satu malam, iaitu Masjid Umar al-Khattab. Seniorku Shameel yang menuntut di UofT Missisauga gemar ke sana kerana housemate beliau, Zack a.k.a. Zakariya (orang Somali) adalah salah seorang Imam di masjid tersebut. Selepas meeting MASAT, Shameel mengajaku ke sana dan aku terima ajakannya (esok pula weekend, Alhamdulillah ada masa lapang). Lebih kurang 80-90 orang jema’ah yang hadir di masjid tersebut . Tetapi Ali kata di Masjid Salahuddin biasanya ada lagi ramai, lebih kurang 300 orang begitu. Pada malam tersebut, 3 juzu’ dihabiskan dalam 8 raka’at, jadi satu solat berlangsung lebih kurang 30-45 minit. Lenguh juga untuk berdiri begitu lama. Imam pula bertukar-tukar bagi setiap solat, jadi ada at least empat hafiz di masjid itu. Semuanya orang Somali, bacaan mereka sedap-sedap belaka.

Selepas 4 raka’at terdapat break selama 15 minit. Imam memberi tazkirah ringkas. Beliau berpesan bahawa bagi solat sunat, dibolehkan untuk solat duduk. Jadi jikalau tidak larat, beliau kata, silalah solat secara duduk dan tiada apa untuk berasa malu dengan berbuat demikian. Beliau berpesan lagi, kita perlu ‘enjoy’ our solat. Kalau kita rasa ‘merana’ sahaja sepanjang solat, nanti kita tak look forward to our next solat. Beliau mengingatkan tentang orang munafik yang datang solat di masjid, tetapi dalam hati mereka sebenarnya mereka membenci solat – kita tidak mahu menjadi sperti itu. Beliau juga mengisahkan tentang peristiwa rasulullah s.a.w. (diriwayatkan oleh ‘Aisyah) yang mana rasulullah s.a.w. bangun malam dan meminta izin 'Aisyah untuk meninggalkan beliau bagi solat. Lalu rasulullah s.a.w. pergi solat dan beliau menangis sampai basah lantai. Kemudian Bilal datang untuk azan fajr, dan beliau nampak rasulullah s.a.w. dengan keadaan demikian lalu bertanya, "You too, o Prophet of Allah? Why do you cry when Allah has forgiven all your past and future sins?" Rasulullah s.a.w. pon bersabda, "Shouldn't I be a grateful slave?"[1] Kalau rasulullah s.a.w. pon sampai sebegitu, apatah lagi kita ni yang berlumuran dengan dosa.

Setelah solat witr, hidangan sahur pula disediakan masjid untuk para jema’ah – briyani daging lagi tu, tidak ku sangka sungguh. Setelah selesai solat fajr, Zack dan Syameel menghatar aku pulang ke apartment aku dengan menaiki kereta Zack. Semasa perjalanan pulang kelihatan manusia-manusia yang mendirikan malam dengan berdisko dan mabuk. Syameel yang menetap di Missisauga (suburb of Toronto, kawasan tenteram sikit) memberi komen, “Downtown is full of weird people doing weird stuff.”

I can’t agree more.

Salam dari bumi Toronto.

Footnote:-

[1] When Ata' and Ubaydullah ibn Umayr once asked Aisha about the nature of Prophet Muhammad's behavior with her: "Aisha started to weep and said, 'One night he stood up [intending to offer the night prayer] and said, 'O Aisha, let me be alone so that I may worship my Lord.' He stood up, purified himself and continued to pray and weep until the ground became wet. Bilal came and made the adhan. When he saw the Prophet crying, he said, 'O Messenger of Allah [why do] you cry, when Allah has forgiven your past and future sins?' Prophet Mohammed replied, '[Then, for that] should I not be a thankful slave?'" [Ibn Hibban]

A Sound Heart?

Imam Ghazali says there is an outward and inward fasting (pretty obvious). The outward is of course to abstain from drinking, eating, and sexual intimacy, while the inward is making sure that our fast is accepted by Allah. The prophet s.a.w. said “Many are those who fast attaining nothing but hunger and many are those performing solah by night attaining nothing but tiredness” [Ibn Majah, Nasaa’i]. Outwardly they seems fine, but inwardly they ‘break’ their fast with such things as backbiting, lustful glances, lies and other violations of inward fast.

Ibn Qayyim said that the body of the human being is like a country, whose capital is the heart and whose frontiers are the seven limbs. Satan reaches the heart through one or more of these appendages. Fasting guards the boundaries and trains its sentinels so the heart has a greater chance of drawing near to God[1]. In a hadith (sahih Bukhari), the Prophet s.a.w. said that fasting is a shield, and someone who is fasting should not indulge in obscene language, nor raise the voice, and if someone tries to quarrel with him, he should say “I am a person fasting” [2].

Imam al-Ghazali said, “How many people are not fasting, but with God they are fasting? And how many people are fasting, but with God they are not fasting?”[3]. Questions that we should ask ourselves are: Will we still be 'fasting' even after Ramadhan? Are we even 'fasting' in this month of Ramadhan?

The day of judgement is described as “a day which neither wealth nor children shall be of any benefit, except one who comes to God with a sound heart” [Qur’an 26:88-89]

So have we tried our best to purify our heart during this blessed month? Do we long to attain a sound heart? Or we just don't care, do we?

Footnotes:-
[1] Purification of the Heart, page 191, Hamza Yusuf, Starlatch Press 2004
[2] Sahih Bukhari Volume 3, Book 31, Number 128: Volume 3, Book 31, Number 128:
[3] Purification of the Heart, page 192, Hamza Yusuf, Starlatch Press 2004

p/s: sorry for keeping this blog dormant for a long time.

Why Not Dating Dulu Baru Kahwin?

There is a glossary at the end of this article on certain scientific terms and Malay terms which may help the reader to understand this article better. Note that words that are colored with blue are scientific terms that are further explained in the glossary.

When you hear about "kahwin dulu, baru dating", probably in your mind you will be thinking about a guy with a kopiah 24 hours on his head marrying a girl who wear the tudung labuh or even a niqaab, better known as purdah at Malaysia. Your first instinct will also probably be, "I pray, I fast, I wear tudung, but I am not these extreme 'alim people. I need to get to know my partner for life inside out. So, I need to date him, to know whether we are serasi or not." I perfectly understand your concern. I understand that you are not 'crazy' enough to just jump into a marriage without knowing who your partner really is. So in the end, this kahwin dulu baru dating trend becomes an exclusive thing among people who are active in dakwah and jemaah, while the muslim masses are walking together holding hands or 'hanging out' at restaurants at KLCC, Mid Valley, etc. Some of these people are perhaps incurable, but I believe some just don't get how kahwin dulu baru dating can actually work. I will try my best to show you intellectually that kahwin dulu baru dating should not be an exclusive thing among the 'extreme pious people', in fact every rational person should embrace it. I will also try to point out that romantic love is hogwash in supposedly spotting the ideal partner for a long-lasting marriage.

Firstly, I have heard about people mocking about those who had successful marriage through matchmake as just being 'lucky'. To set the record straight, according to National Geographic, the divorce rate of the Western world which embraces total romantic love is around 50 to 60% - a healthy percentage indeed! So, even if you start your marriage with romantic love, the probability for it to last untill death-do-you-apart is less than half. I would like to call upon those ardent defenders of romantic love to pause for awhile and enjoy this statistics before proceeding to conjure some pseudo theories about the advantages of having romantic love - you can't fool the figures. I would say that the western society has 1001 flaws in keeping a safe household and those 'other factors' surely contribute to the statistics, but the fact still remain that romantic love fails to spot these people's partner for life. According to a study done by Utusan Malaysia, our country also has a divorce rate of 54% and our society is practically westernised with majority embracing romantic love - although maybe not the type that ends up on the bed. So it's the same old story, statistics wise.

Some people say we need to know whether we have 'chemistry' through countless dates, hang outs, and spending a lot of time together. Going through a person's 'CV', peer opinion or recommendation, observing her/him in public, and a brief get-to-know session are just not enough. We know that during this courting period, everyone pijak semut pon tak mati, and you will always forgive your partner's shortcoming no matter how big they are, simply because you are madly in love. How many times have we heard about glitch-free Pakwe 1.0 who eventually turned into Husband 1.0 with lots of viruses and trojan horses? Also note that I am not saying go into a marriage with someone you know you don't like, but I am saying you don't need these romantic craps to know a person through and through. The fact is you won't really know a person unless you live, eat, and sleep with him or her.

I wonder how Amazon.com can make big bucks, if everyone really insist in browsing through a book before buying it. Worst still, this book has a lot of pages written in magic invisible ink that will only show up after you buy it! So you never really know what you are buying. What if good reviews, high-praise critics, and best sellers are not enough for one to make a decision to buy a book? I admit that drawing an analogy between life partner with a book just doesn't make sense at all. Let's get scientific. So what really is this thing called love? Anthropologist Helen Fisher, a professor at Rutgers University, has conducted an extensive research on the biochemical pathways of love in all its manifestations: lust, romance, attachment, the way they start and wane, etc. Here is part of what her research is about:-

"After doing MRI on the brain of two lovers - they had been 'madly in love' for seven months during that time - she found out that parts of brain linked up to reward and pleasure - the ventral tegnmental area and the caudate nucleus- lit up. What excited Fisher most was not so much finding a location, an address, for love as tracing its specific chemical pathways. Love lights up the caudate nucleus because it is home to a dense spread of receptors for a neurotransmitter called dopamine, which Fisher came to think of as part of our own endogenous love potion. In the right proportions, dopamine creates intense energy, exhilaration, focused attention, and motivation to win rewards. It is why, when you are newly in love, you can stay up all night, watch the sun rise, run a race, ski fast down a slope ordinarily too steep for your skill. Love makes you bold, makes you bright, makes you run real risks, which you sometimes survive, and sometimes you don't." [The Chemistry of Love, National Geographic]

Sounds familiar? Mind you that mentally-ill people also shows high amount of dopamine in their brain, and scientists cannot tell apart one who is mentally-ill and one who is 'madly in love' by just MRIing their brains. Cool, right? The meaning of 'madly in love' is more real than what we think of, as the brain chemistry of infatuation is indeed akin to mental illness. Tak heran la, pijak semut pon tak mati, lautan api pon akan ku redah, dan gunung tinggi mana pon akan ku daki. Do you think an orang gila can make a sound judgement? The fact is, when you are in deep romantic obsession, you just want to win rewards from your partner due to the excessive dopamines, not objectively finding faults in him or her as you claim. Of course nobody is perfect, there is no point in finding every faults in your partner, and supposedly marriage is about reconciling differences and accepting the fact that your partner is another human being, inescapable from making mistakes. What I am stressing here is that dating and hanging out serve only one perpose: indulging in your nafs, not finding the right partner. How can something that is similar to mental-illness becomes a reliable way to make your decision of a lifetime? So am I still not convincing? Let's hear further what Dr. Helen Fischer has to say about the chemistry of love:-

"Most scientist who studied love, divide it into three segments: lust, romantic obsession, and attachment. The first stage of it which is lust which is actually the sex drive. One of the things that men like about women is their waist to hip ratio, which according to scientists, the desirable waist to hip ratio is point seven. woman are attracted to man with broad shoulders and rugged features, all showing a great deal of testosterone. The second stage of love is romantic passion, and the same chemcals are involved when a person is in love is when they are high on Amphetamine [dopamine stimulus] , and the scientists are speculating that it ends after about four years, and that's because that is the amount of time that it takes for a human baby to become 'viable'. And two things happen, either the couple separate or they stay together in long term relationship. That third stage is called attachment and there is a different chemical in brain that is involved in a long-term relationship, which is called oxytocin, and that causes one to feel very calm and soothe. Emily and Brian of Ohio had been married for 60 years and have twenty children. They were to me sort of perfect example of this long-term relationship attachment." [The Chemistry of Love, National Geographic]

So, according to scientists, this romantic passion can only last at maximum for four years, but they don't quite know why yet - biology is always vague. Some say that the human body just can't stand the state of high in dopamine for so long because it deteriorates the body, while some gave the theory that four years is the maximum time span for a couple to have their first baby, so they need to get 'serious'. Whatever it is, no wonder a lot of people complain that their once glitch-free Pakwe 1.0 turned into Husband 1.0 with lots of viruses and trojan horses. Another thing to point out is that couples who are in long-term relationship show high amount of oxytocin in their brains, which is a totally different chemical from dopamine. Oxytocin is also present when you have good relationships with your parents, brothers, sisters, and friends. So what makes a relationship last long is this feeling of attachment to your partner like you have for your parents, friends, and family, not the romantic passion during courtship. It is interesting to note that oxytocin causes one to feel very calm and soothe, while dopamine creates intense energy, exhilaration, focused attention, and motivation to win rewards. There is no similarity at all between these two chemicals; in fact, their purposes are actually the opposite to each other. So only a fool would think that romantic passion is the mechanism that should be used to find a suitable partner. It is like trying to use a hammer to cut your finger nail.

"And those who say: "Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders of those who have Taqwa.'' [Qur'an 25:74]

Is qurrota a'yun (comfort of our eyes) mentioned in the Qur'an, the feeling of calm and soothe (triggered by oxytocin) that is presence when a relationship is based on attachment? Finally, let's listen to what Jody Cobb, the photographer of National Geographic magazine who wrote the article The Chemistry of Love, has to say about her impossible task: Photographing love:-

"I didn't want to just photograph weddings, that I think is what is expected. I didn't want to do a valentine, I didn't want to do a hallmark card. The notion of love because anyone who has ever really been in love knows that, that's not the reality. So I was very much interested to show real life and cultures all over the world. And women are becoming educated and wanting to make their own choices in mate selection, things are changing really fast. And just like in the West, where we trully believe in love and romance and happily ever after, we still have a 50-60% divorce rate." [The Chemistry of Love, National Geographic]

It is pretty clear now that dating baru kahwin doesn't come even close to ensure a happily-ever-after relationship. Ironically, those 'extreme 'alim people' are the ones who understand real love and real life, not those Casanovas. Do note that I am not saying if you kahwin dulu baru dating then your marriage will last forever, but if you dating dulu baru kahwin then you are doom to failure. I am simply pointing out that romantic passion has nothing to do about spoting the 'right person' in your life. It is also true that incompatibility may happen between two persons, like there is just no chemistry between the two of you. The point is, you don't need to go on countless hang outs to spot that. You don't need to overload your neuropathways with excessive dopamine to find the supposedly elusive chemistry. It is common sense: You sit down and talk with a person for 15 minutes and you'll know whether you can get along with that person or not. I am talking in general, meaning even with a stranger who you want to make him as your friend, not just your life partner. As for the opposite gender, more than that, you are just indulging in your nafs. Of course, if you are still in doubt, go through the person's 'CV', find peer opinion or recommendation about that person, observe her/him in public, and so on and so forth, as long as it is according to the syariah. Whatever you do, don't get mentally-ill. In the end, you still have to ride all the gelora after the romantic passion dies out and you dah kahwin - Husband 1.0 and Wife 1.0. Last piece of advice: Ride them with oxytocin, not dopamine, ok? Above all, bring along taqwa, inshaAllah it will be pretty smooth sailing.

"I love you because of your religion. If you let go of your religion, then I have to let go of my love for you" Imam Nawawi.

Glossary:

Scientific terms:

Neurotransmitters - are chemicals that are used to relay, amplify and modulate electrical signals between a neuron (brain/nervous system cells) and another cell.

Dopamine - Dopamine is a neurotrasmitter and it has many functions in the brain. Most importantly, dopamine is central to the reward system. Dopamine is commonly associated with the pleasure system of the brain, providing feelings of enjoyment and reinforcement to motivate a person proactively to perform certain activities. Dopamine is released by naturally rewarding experiences such as food and sex. Disruption to the dopamine system has also been strongly linked to psychosis and schizoprenia, with abnormally high dopamine action apparently leading to these conditions. Now you can see the link between sex/romantic passion and psychosis.

Oxytocin - Oxytocin is a mamalian hormone that also acts as a neurotransmitter in the brain. In the brain, oxytocin is involved in social recognition and bonding, and might be involved in the formation of trust between people. Oxytocin is also an important hormone for women for various reasons, but in this article I am focusing on the function of oxytocin in the brain.

MRI - MRI stands for Magnetic resonance imaging, which is a non-invasive method used to render images of the inside of an object. In this particular case, it is used to render images inside of the brain.

Malay terms:

kahwin dulu baru dating - A loose translation would be: Marriage first, only then comes dating.

dating dulu baru kawhin - A loose translation would be: Dating first, only then comes marriage

tudung - hijab

serasi - compatible

pijak semut pon tak mati - Literally it means: Even if you step on an ant, the ant won’t die. What it actually means is someone who control his behavior to give a false, good impression during dating.

pakwe - boyfriend

Tak heran la, pijak semut pon tak mati, lautan api pon akan ku redah, dan gunung tingga mana pon akan ku daki - Literally it means: No wonder he steps on an ant, the ant won’t die, and he will say, “I will cross a fiery ocean for your sake, I will climb the tallest mountain for your sake.” I guess you get the meaning already

dah kawin - already married

References:
1. Slater, Lauren. The Chemistry of Love. National Geographic Magazine, February 2006
2. Fisher, Helen. Why We Love: The Nature and Chemistry of Romantic Love. Henry Holt and Company, 2004.

Remembrance of Death

Ibn Mas'ud reported: The Prophet s.a.w. drew up a square and in the middle of it he drew a line, the end of which jutted out beyond the square. Further across the middle line, he drew a number of smaller lines. Then he s.a.w. said, "The figure represents man and the encircling square is the death which is encompassing him. The middle line represents his desires and the smaller lines are vicissitudes of life. If one of those misses him, another distresses him, and if that one misses him, he falls victim to another." [Al-Bukhari]

Commentary: To sum up, man is ever closer to the border line of death and not supposed to remain unprepared for it. There is no end to wishful thinking and, therefore, he should not adopt a careless attitude towards the inescapable death in the pursuit of illusionary hopes. The best course for him is to remain ever-ready for his exit from the worldly stage. [Riyad us-saliheen with commentary by Hafiz Salahuddin Yusuf, page 510]



Remembering death checks us from over-indulging in worldly pleasures

Abu Hurairah reported: Messenger of Allah said, "Remember more often the destroyer of pleasures - death." [Al-Tirmidhi]

Nobody wants to meet his Lord in a state of banktupt. Therefore, being heedful about death serve as zikr for men from being heedless with worldly pleasures and seductions. Sister Na'ima B. Robert eloquently puts in her book From My Sisters' Lips, "But by far the greatest trial for me and many others was actualizing what is really the essence of Islam--submission. To become Muslim is to become one who submits to the will of Allah. That means ego out, arrogance out, pride out: the self is brought to heel." What better ways for us to understand the real of essence of Islam - submission - than to remember the day we physically submit to God--death? It is indeed fashionable to speak about Islam nowadays. The pseudo intellect of many Muslims quickly spring out when they give their two cents about their religion, especially the socio-politico aspects of it, but these pseudo intellects will rarely touch on the topic of death. Are we infested with the dreadful disease, wahn?

Messenger of Allah said, "Nations will call each other, as people make invitations to a meal, to make a concerted attack on you. Someone asked: ‘Will this happen because of our being small in number?’ God’s Messenger answered: ‘Rather, you will then be great in number, but as powerless as wood-chips or straw carried in a flood. God will remove fear of you from the hearts of your enemies and implant in you fear of death and love of the world."[Abu Dawud, Malahim, 5; I. Hanbal, 5.278.]



The Idolators thought that Resurrection after Death was very unlikely

(Nay, but they say the like of what the men of old said. They said: "When we are dead and have become dust and bones, shall we be resurrected indeed'') They thought it very unlikely that this would happen after they had disintegrated into nothing. ("Verily, this we have been promised -- we and our fathers before (us)! This is only the tales of the ancients!'') This means, "It is impossible that we could be brought back. This was said by those who learned it from the books and disputes of the ancients.'' This denial and rejection on their part is like the Ayah where Allah tells us about them: ("Even after we are crumbled bones'' They say: "It would in that case, be a return with loss!'' But it will be only a single Zajrah, When behold, they find themselves on the surface of the earth alive after their death.) [Qur'an: 79:11-14]

[Tafsir Ibn Kathir on Surah al-Mu'minun]



Do you think that life is just a play and you will not be brought back to your Lord?

(In Falsehood will they be) Until, when death comes to one of them, he says: "O my Lord! send me back (to life), In order that I may work righteousness in the things I neglected." - "By no means! It is but a word he says."- Before them is a Partition till the Day they are raised up. Then when the Trumpet is blown, there will be no more relationships between them that Day, nor will one ask after another! Then those whose balance (of good deeds) is heavy,- they will attain salvation: But those whose balance is light, will be those who have lost their souls, in Hell will they abide. The Fire will burn their faces, and they will therein grin, with their lips displaced. "Were not My Signs rehearsed to you, and ye did but treat them as falsehood?" They will say: "our Lord! Our misfortune overwhelmed us, and we became a people astray! "Our Lord! bring us out of this: if ever we return (to Evil), then shall we be wrong-doers indeed!" He will say: "Be ye driven into it (with ignominy)! And speak ye not to Me! "A part of My servants there was, who used to pray 'our Lord! we believe; then do Thou forgive us, and have mercy upon us: For Thou art the Best of those who show mercy!" "But ye treated them with ridicule, so much so that (ridicule of) them made you forget My Message while ye were laughing at them! "I have rewarded them this Day for their patience and constancy: they are indeed the ones that have achieved Bliss..." He will say: "What number of years did ye stay on earth?" They will say: "We stayed a day or part of a day: but ask those who keep account." He will say: "Ye stayed not but a little,- if ye had only known! "Did ye then think that We had created you in jest, and that ye would not be brought back to Us (for account)?" [Qur'an: 23:99-115]



You should not fear nor grieve when the time comes if you...

Imam Ahmad recorded that ‘Ata’ bin As-Sa’ib said, "The first day I saw Abdur-Rahman bin Abi Layla, I saw an old man whose hair had become white on his head and beard. He was riding his donkey and following a funeral. I heard him say, ‘So-and-so narrated to me that he heard the Messenger of Allah s.a.w. say, "He who likes to meet Allah, Allah likes to meet him, and he who hates to meet Allah, Allah hates to meet him."

The people around him started weeping and he asked them why they wept. They said, ‘All of us hate death.’ He s.a.w. said, "It does not mean that. When one dies: (Al-Waqi’ah:88-89) and when his good news is conveyed to him, he likes to meet Allah the Exalted and Most Honored and Allah the Exalted and Most Honored likes, even more, to meet him, (Al-Waqi’ah:92-94) and when this news is conveyed to him he hates to meet Allah and Allah hates, even more, to meet him" (Riwayah Ahmad)

This is the narration that Imam Ahmad collected; and in the Sahih, there is a Hadith with this meaning collected from ‘Aishah.

Allah’s statement, "And if he be of those on the right"(Al-Waqi’ah:90), means, if he, the dying person, is among those on the right, "Then Salam(peace) to you from those on the right" (Al-Waqi’ah: 91) meaning, the angels will deliver the good news to them by saying, "Peace be upon you," i.e., be calm, you will be led to safety, you are among those on the right, as ‘Ikrimah said, "The angels will greet him with the Salam and convey to him the news that he is among those on the right." This is a good explanation, and it conforms with Allah’s statement,

"Those who proclaim: "Our Lord is God," then lead a righteous life, the angels descend upon them: "You shall have no fear, nor shall you grieve. Rejoice in the good news that paradise has been reserved for you. "We are your allies in this life, and in the Hereafter. You will have in it anything you wish for; you will have anything you want. (Such is your) ultimate abode, from a Forgiver, Most Merciful." (Qur’an 41:30-32).

[Tafsir ibn Kathir on Surah al-Waqi’ah]



So what should you do?

'Abdullah bin 'Umar reported: Messenger of Allah took hold of my shoulders and said, "Be in the world like a stranger or a wayfarer." ibn 'umar used to say: When you survive till the evening do not expect to live in the morning; and when you survive till the morning do not expect to live untill the evening. While in good health (do good deeds) before you fall sick; and while you are alive (do good deeds) before death strikes. [Al-Bukhari]

Nanti akhirnya kita mati…

Ok belaja rajin-rajin. Tetapi abang ingat, cari kerja gaji besar bukan tujuan utama.. jadi manager bukan tujuan utama.. jadi CEO bukan tujuan utama.. jadi best student pon bukan segala-galanya.. CGPA tinggi pon bukan tujuan utama kita.. Nanti akhirnya kita mati kita akan jumpa Allah jugak. Bukan la langsong tak aim bende-bende tu, tetapi kene ada balance,” pesan ibuku sebelum mengakhiri perbualan kami melalui telefon.

Sambil tersenyum mendegar kata-kata ibuku, aku membalas, “Ye ma, inshaAllah.”
Aku agak terkejut mendengar pesanan ibuku ini, kerana biasanya beliau akan berkata, “belaja rajin-rajin bagi dapat semua A, bagi dapat cgpa bagus-bagus,” hari ni lain pula. Pada kiraan aku, ini kali pertama beliau berbicara begini denganku.

Walaupun aku berjauhan tetapi aku dapat merasakan bahawa ibuku sudah agak berubah kebelakangan ini. Sesungguhnya zikr kematian membuatkan kita lebih mudah mengingati akan tujuan kita di muka bumi ini. Ia bagaikan penampar yang mengejutkan kita dari belaian mimpi.
Mengingati kematian pula bukanlah sesuatu yang mudah untuk dilakukan. Menziarahi kubur boleh mengingatkan kita akan kematian, tetapi kalau menziarahi kubur Tok Misai, Datuk Kelana, ataupun kubur pakcik kepada makcik kepada pakcik kita, barangkali kesannya tidak sama seperti menziarahi kubur emak kita sendiri contohnya.

Sesungguhnya, kita tidak tahu bagaimana keadaan kita sebelum mati. Se’alim mana pun kita, sewarak mana pon kita, tiada siapa yang boleh menjamin kita akan kekal dalam keadaan begitu taktala malaikat maut menjemput kita. Namun begitu, kita kenalah sentiasa cubaa kekal dalam kebaikan dan sentiasa mendoakan agar memperoleh khusnul khatimah (akhir yang baik).
Lumrah kehidupan, yang tua akan pergi dahulu, yang muda masih mempunyai masa di bumi ini. Tidak dinafikan bahawa ajal boleh datang bila-bila sahaja, tidak mengenal usia, cumanya inilah corak biasa bagi umur hidup manusia.

Corak norma ini ada banyak kelebihannya bagi kita, al-insan, yang sering lalai dan alpa. Taktala umur kita meningkat, semakin kerap akan kita diingatkan dengan pemergian mereka yang tersayang, terutama sekali mereka yang lebih tua dari kita. Ia bagaikan ujian bulanan yang cikgu kita beri, bagi mengingatkan kita supaya sentiasa belajar, agar tidak kantoi semasa peperiksaan akhir tahun nanti. Lebih kurang macam continuous assessment begitu.

Teringat pula kata-kata atukku yang dituturkan dengan berlinangan air mata sebelum aku fly, “Belaja rajin-rajin fik. Jagi diri baik-baik. Jaga agama dekat negara orang tu. Atuk sebak ni bukan kenapa. Adik-beradik atuk, kawan-kawan atuk, dan ramai orang atuk kenal semuanya dah meninggal dunia. Tak tau la atuk dapat jumpa ko lagi ke tak fik bila ko balik nanti. Atuk sebak bila fikirkan ni.” Agaknya ini lah beza orang tua yang banyak pengalaman hidup dengan darah muda yang masih mentah. Alhamdulillah umur atukku sudah mencecah lebih 80 tahun tetapi beliau masih gagah sehinggakan sekarang.

Di kala aku jauh di negara orang ini, ibuku memberi update kepadaku tentang mereka yang aku kenali yang sudah pulang ke rahmatullah. Jika dijadikan satu senarai, boleh dikatakan senarai ini bertambah dengan kadar exponansi sejak kebelakangan ini. Kebanyakannya aku tidak mengenali sangat pon mereka ini, boleh dikatakan kenal gitu-gitu sahaja. Maklum la, biasanya kawan ibuku, kawan keluarga, tok cik tok ngah dan tok tok berjauhan yang pernah aku temu sekali dua sahaja. Kadang-kadang aku sedikit terkejut juga, ada sesetengah tu sihat walafiat sahaja ketika kali terakhir aku berjumpa dengan mereka semasa aku masih di malaysiaa dulu. Tetapi sudah tentu impaknya sangat berbeza kepada ibuku, kerana mereka ini lebih penting baginya dan lebih banyak berkait dengan kehidupannya.

Mengetahui bahawa ajal kita sudah hampir adalah satu kelebihan jika difikirkan dengan lojik akal kerana kita di beri masa untuk bersedia menghadapinya. Namun ia tidaklah semudah itu jika ia berkait dengan mereka yang kita sayangi. Contohnya, jika seorang ibu kehilangan anaknya yang baru berusia 5 bulan, dia sepatutnya agak bergembira kerana anaknya pulang ke rahmatullah dalam keadaan suci dan fitrah. Tidak perlu la si kecil itu mengharungi pelbagai dugaan dunia ini yang sungguh mencabar. Namun begitu, fakta itu tetap tidak boleh menahan air mata si ibu dari mengalir.

Daripada senarai yang aku perkatakan tadi, ramai pula yang meninggal akibat daripada penyakit cancer. Kadang-kala aku berpesan kepada ibuku, “Mama, penyakit cancer ni bagus jugak sebenarnya. At least orang tu tau mungkin ajal dia dah dekat, jadi dia boleh prepare. kan bagus tu.” Memang mudah sungguh bagi aku yang berhati batu ini yang tidak perrnah kehilangan orang tersayang untuk berkata begitu. Lain pula bagi ibuku, yang keluarganya memang banyak juga yang berpenyakit ini. Mungkin wayang yang seakan-akan sebuah filem ngeri yang pernah beliau tonton seketika dahulu seolah-olah sedang bermain semula, tetapi tidak tahu lagi endingnya sama ke tidak. Sama saja sebenarnya, setiap insan akan pulang juga ke rahmatullah.

Belum lagi berbicara tentang watak yang terlibat itu sendiri. Dahulu mungkin hanya menontonya, kini menjadi watak utama pula. Jikalau diteliti dengan kaca mata objektif, bagi aku sungguh indah sebenarnya jika kita diberitahu bila masa kita akan tiba. Bayangkan penjaga periksa yang sudi mengumumkan, “Anda hanya tinggal lagi 10 minit sahaja sebelum waktu peperiksaan tamat. Sila semak semua jawapan anda. Pastikan anda sudah menulis nama dan student id anda di muka ssuratt hadapan.” Tidakah itu lebih baik daripada terus “Sila letakkan pen. Masa sudah tamat.”?

Memang betul aku cakap senang la, jika dugaan sebegitu menimpa aku memang tak mampu aku menghadapinya. Tetapi siapa tahu (Allahu’alam), mungkin aku yang akan pergi dahulu. Wah, rasa tak bersedia lagi pulak. Bila pulak nak bersedia? Nak tunggu apa? Tak mampu pulak nak menjawabnya…

Ikan-Ikan 'Fresh' Salai yang Beracun

"Kita orang melayu teleh diArabkan, bukan di Islamkan sebenarnya. Orang Arab memang kerkena dangan bermacam-macam. Sekarang melayu telah terikut-ikut dan ter-terArabnya.
Ada kemungkinan kita orang telah silap fahami agama. Tersilap taksir mungkinnya. Bagi saya, janganlah nampak sangat alim orang nya tapi hati nafsu marak seperti gunung nak meletup dan fikiran macam syaitan.

Satu contoh yg sangat baik betul-betul berlaku di Indonesia:-
Satu kumpulan National Geography pergi ke satu kampung dalaman di Indonesia dimana orang asli situ tidak berpakaian. Sampai sana dan jumpa orang aslinya yang anehnya semua orang hanya pandang kawan NG dari Arab. Tau mengapa? Sebenarnya kebanyakan ahli NG biasa tengok perempuan dan yang bogel termasuk pegawai dari Indonesia. Tapi ahli dari Arab tak biasa tengok perempuan dan bogel pulak. Jadi adik ahli Arab naik menuju ke langit. Seluar yang ketat pun tak dapat melindungi dia. Ini sebenarnya memberitahu kita kalau kita orang selalu memilih untuk mengelakkan sesuatu dan tak berani face on matters, kita silap.
Orang asli di Indonesia biasa dah bogel sejak dulu sampai hari ini. Dalam hati mereka sangat mulia dan tak ada fikiran kotor. Tapi bagi orang asing yang tak pernah tengok perempuan, lain pulak cerita.

Satu contoh yg berlaku di Kuala Terengganu:–
Seorang guru cina telah ditugaskan untuk mengajar di Terengganu. Guru cina tu dah biasa pakai skirt pendek di kota. Dia telah dinasihatkan oleh guru-guru cina tempatan supaya pakai skirt yang panjang sebab murid-murid tempatan tak biasa. So guru cina baru pun memilih skirt yang panjang sikit sampai ke lutut dan pergi mengajar pada keesokan pagi. Kamu semua tau tak apa berlaku? Kebanyakan murid lelaki hanya tengok skirt dekat lutut guru tu dan ada yang turun kepala untuk tengok apa kah dalam skirt tu. Apa berlaku? sama-sama fikir…."
(Melayu Liberal)

Manusia ini memang suka akan generalisation jika ia memenuhi kepentingan kita. Sebab itu kita suka sangat akan teori pseudo dan berita-berita angin yang belum pasti akan kebenaranya. Ramai juga muslim masa kini yang memilih arus pemikiran dan cara hidup barat yang mengindulge nafsu masing-masing mengatasi cara Islam yang mengajak kita bermujahadah melawan nafsu. Usahlah kita bersembunyi di sebalik topeng-topeng lojik akal bagi menglegitimate kehendak nafsu rakus kita. Sudah tentu berbuat baik itu lebih susah daripada berbuat jahat.

Nafsu tertakluk kepada semua orang tanpa mengira bangsa, warna kulit, atau agama. Orang NG ke, orang arab ke, orang asli ke, sama sahaja kerana ia in the genetics. Cuma beza antara setiap individu dalam bab ini ialah kemampuan mengawal nafsu itu. Dekat sini (penulis berkelana di Canada - negara asal orang-orang NG), cikgu pakai skirt juga seperti cikgu cina di Kuala Terengganu itu, tetapi murid-murid memang tak jakun sebab girlfriend dierang pon pakai skirt macam tu juga dan dierang selalu pon buat benda haram dangan girlfriend dierang. Tambahan pula hardcore pornography ditayangkan di saluran televisyen perdana di waktu primetime secara terang-terangan, jadi siapa la yang berminat nak jakun-jakun bila cikgu dierang pakai skirt pendek mana pon. Tetapi ini tidak membuatkan mereka lebih mulia, apatah lagi untuk memilih jalan ini sebagai jalan penyelesaian.

Tiada asas kepada teori selalu terdedah kepada aurat dan benda-benda haram lain akan condition manusia kepada lebih open-minded dan kurang ‘jakun’. Ingin saya petik satu analogi yang dinukilkan oleh Ustaz Zaharuddin bagi memudahkan penjelasan tentang isu ini:-

"Ye la, bila orang lelaki yang dah naik syahwatnya tu, kerana kecantikan peha wanita tu contohnya, mestilah terganggu syahwatnya, lalu terdetik keinginan seksualnya secara tidak terkawal..”

”Kerana itu saya katakan berpakaian seksi adalah suatu bentuk gangguan seksual kepada orang lelaki di sekelilingnya”

“Cuba bayangkan, kucing yang lapar diacah-acah dengan ikan ‘fresh’ yang digoyang-goyangkan di hadapannya tentu geram kucing tu, malah silap haribulan, tentu diterkamnya muka orang yang mengacah juga”

“Tapi perlu diingat, tak semua kucing akan terkam, hanya yang amat lapar dan liar je, demikian juga lelaki, tak semua lelaki gagal kawal nafsunya, tetapi tak dinafikan bahawa ramai juga yang gagal dan liar”[1]

Kalau seekor kucing itu sudah kenyang, 24 jam dapat makan ikan ‘fresh’ dari tuanya, bila dia diacah-acah dengan seekor ikan ‘fresh’ di hadapan matanya sudah tentulah dia pejam mata buat don't know sahaja. Tetapi memberi kucing makan 24 jam ikan 'fresh' bukan satu cara penyelesaian kerana ikan-ikan ‘fresh’ haram itu semua berdosa besar kalau makan. Orang-orang NG yang Melayu Liberal anggap mulia sangat tu dah tiap-tiap hari bergelumang dengan dosa itu, orang arab itu pula baru ingin mencuba pertama kali. Sama sahaja mereka ni sebenarnya.

Tak perlu la kita berpura-pura di sini bahawa nafsu lelaki ini boleh dihapuskan dngan menyuruh atau membenarkan wanita bogel tiap-tiap hari di khalayak ramai seperti orang-orang asli itu ataupun seperti wanita-wanita barat yang memakai pakaian serupa macam tidak pakai langsung. Ia sama sepeti kita mengatakan: "Bagi penagih-penagih dadah tu dadah tiap-tiap hari dan masalah ketagihan akan dapat diselesaikan - we are facing the matter like this. Kalau masukkan dia dalam pusat serenti dan ajar dia supaya kawal ketagihannya nanti dia keluar pusat serenti dia ambik dadah balik juga kan? Jadi baik bagi dia dadah tanpa henti, senang cerita, selesai masalah."

Analoginya, boleh la kita selesaikan masalah ketagihan dadah dengan memberi si ketagih, dadah secara non-stop a.k.a. pendedahan aurat meleluasa. Cumanya kita terima bahawa dadah itu tak bagus kerana kita tahu si ketagih itu akan mati jika kita berbuat demikian. Oleh itu, memberi dadah non-stop sebagai cara penyelesaian memang out of the question la. Persoalannya, adakah kita terima bahawa seks bebas dan awrat wanita bukan mahram itu tak bagus juga? Benda-benda ni tak mati dan tiada kesan mudarat segara kalau 'digunakan' tiap-tiap hari pon (tak seperti dadah), jadi mungkin ramai yang keliru akan mudaratnya benda-benda ini. Hanya mereka yang benar-benar mengimani akan hari akhirat dan panasnya azab api neraka baru boleh nampak magnitud kesalahan benda ini semacam atau lebih teruk dari ketagihan dadah. Itu pon Allah sudah membantu kita dengan adanya kemudaratan sejak di muka bumi ini lagi dalam bentuk penyakit AIDS dan penyakit-penyaikit seksual lain.

Usahlah kita menipu diri sendiri dengan mengatakan kita boleh mewujudkan society yang penuh dengan wanita 'terbogel' di kawasan awam tanpa perlu adanya pergaulan seks bebas seperti di negara-negara barat. Kiranya mengambil jalan tengah begitu: Zina haram tetapi pendedahan awrat dan zina mata halal, malahan dikatakan pendedahan awrat dan zina mata ini boleh membanteras zina! Mana-mana manusia berfikiran waras tahu bahawa ini idea gila yang dipelopori oleh orang-orang yang cuba menggunakan akal untuk menglegitimate nafsu rakus mereka. Jikalau anda menginginkan kehidupan tanpa agama - boleh buat seks bebas tiap-tiap hari, boleh tengok kecantikan wanita in all its splendour tiap-tiap hari, dan sebagainya - maka memang tak perlu kita terapkan iman dalam dada. Kalau benar kita rasa tak salah menghidang ikan-ikan 'fresh' ini, silalah ikut cadangan cara penyelesaian saudara Melayu Liberal itu.

Betul ke claim orang yang terbiasa dengan pendedahan awrat ini "Dalam hati mereka sangat mulia dan tak ada fikiran kotor"? Bagaimana pula dengan pandangan pihak yang hendak dijadikan The Meat Market?

"Sometimes I watch a guy walk past a girl and he'll turn back and look at her legs or her chest and I just think, I would hate that to happen to me. It doesn't appeal to me. It's not flattering, I can't understand how that can make a woman happy. To me, it's nicer when a Muslim brother passes by me and looks down. To me, that is more respectful than someone whistling at my legs," sister Rabia (beliau tinggal di London). [From My Sisters' Lips, m/s 125]

Sudah tentu ada wanita yang berbangga apabila mendedah sana-sini dan lelaki yang matanya sentiasa liar mencari daging percuma, tetapi bukanlah spesies ini yang diakatakan "Dalam hati mereka sangat mulia dan tak ada fikiran kotor."

Sekarang ini memang ramai muslim yg akhlak runtuh dan iman entah kemana, jadi bila diacah ikan ‘fresh’ di depan mata mereka terus menerpanya. Tak perlu la nak bagi 1001 contoh orang yang macam alim tetapi mereka ni sebenarnya korup untuk membuktikan teori pseudo Melayu Liberal yang jelas-jelas hanya merupakan teori yang direka kerana otak sudah ditakluk nafsu. Penyelesaiannya tetap mengajar orang ramai agama dan tanamkan sifat taqwa. Memang la jalan ini lagi susah daripada jalan yang Melayu Liberal cadangkan. What is wrong is still wrong, you don’t change it into something right just because it is an easy way out or just because it suites your whims.

Akhir sekali, inilah etika pergaulan dan batas pergaulan antara lelaki dan perempuan menurut Islam:-

1.Menundukkan pandangan:ALLAH memerintahkan kaum lelaki untukmenundukkan pandangannya, sebagaimana firman-NYA; Katakanlah kepada laki-laki yangberiman: Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangannya dan memelihara kemaluannya. (an-Nuur: 30)Sebagaimana hal ini juga diperintahkan kepadakaum wanita beriman, ALLAH berfirman; Dankatakanlah kepada wanita yangberiman: Hendaklah mereka menahan pandangannya dan memelihara kemaluannya. (an-Nuur: 31)

2.Menutup Aurat;ALLAH berfirman dan jangan lah mereka mennampakkan perhiasannya, kecuali yang biasa nampak daripadanya. Dan hendaklah mereka melabuhkan kain tudung ke dadanya. (an-Nuur: 31) Juga Firman-NYA; Hai nabi, katakanlah kepadaisteri-isterimu, anak-anak perempuanmu dan isteri-isteri orang mukmin: Hendaklah mereka melabuhkan jilbabnya ke seluruh tubuh mereka.Yang demikian itu supaya mereka lebih mudah dikenali, kerana itu mereka tidak diganggu. Dan ALLAH adalah Maha Pengampun lagi MahaPenyayang. (an-Nuur: 59). Perintah menutup aurat juga berlaku bagi semua jenis. Dari Abu Daud Said al-Khudri r.a. berkata:Rasulullah SAW bersabda: Janganlah seseorang lelaki memandang aurat lelaki, begitu juga dengan wanita jangan melihat aurat wanita.

3.Adanya pembatas antara lelakidengan wanita; Kalau ada sebuah keperluan terhadap kaum yang berbeza jenis, harus disampaikan dari balik tabir pembatas.Sebagaimana firman-NYA; Dan apabila kalian meminta sesuatu kepada mereka (para wanita) maka mintalah dari balik hijab. (al-Ahzaab: 53)

4.Tidak berdua-duaan Di Antara Lelaki Dan Perempuan; Dari Ibnu Abbas r.a. berkata: Saya mendengar Rasulullah SAW bersabda: Janganlah seorang lelaki berdua-duaan (khalwat) dengan wanita kecuali bersama mahramnya. (Hadis RiwayatBukhari & Muslim) Dari Jabir bin Samurah berkata; Rasulullah SAW bersabda: Janganlah salah seorang dari kalian berdua-duan dengan seorang wanita, kerana syaitan akan menjadi ketiganya. (Hadis RiwayatAhmad & Tirmidzi dengan sanad yang sahih)

5.Tidak Melunakkan Ucapan(Percakapan):Seorang wanita dilarang melunakkan ucapannya ketika berbicara selain kepada suaminya. Firman ALLAH SWT; Hai isteri-isteri Nabi, kamu sekalian tidaklah seperti wanita yang lain, jika kamu bertakwa. Maka janganlah kamu tunduk dalam berbicara (berkata-kata yang menggoda) sehingga berkeinginan orang yang ada penyakit di dalam hatinya tetapi ucapkanlah perkataan-perkataan yang baik. (al-Ahzaab: 32) Berkata Imam Ibnu Kathir; Ini adalah beberapa etika yang diperintahkan oleh ALLAH kepada paraisteri Rasulullah SAW serta kepada para wanita mukminah lainnya, iaitu hendaklah dia kalau berbicara dengan orang lain tanpa suara merdu,dalam pengertian janganlah seorang wanita berbicara dengan orang lain sebagaimana dia berbicara dengan suaminya. (Tafsir Ibnu Kathir 3/350)

6.Tidak Menyentuh Kaum Berlawanan Jenis;Dari Maqil bin Yasar r.a. berkata; Seandainya kepala seseorang ditusuk dengan jarum besi itu masih lebih baik daripada menyentuh kaum wanita yang tidak halal baginnya. (Hadis Hasan Riwayat Thabrani dalam Mujam Kabir)Berkata Syaikh al-Abani Rahimahullah; Dalam hadis ini terdapat ancaman keras terhadap orang-orang yang menyentuh wanita yang tidak halal baginya. (Ash-Shohihah 1/448) Rasulullah SAW tidak pernah menyentuh wanita meskipun dalam saat-saat penting seperti membaiat dan lain-lainnya. Dari Aishah berkata; Demi ALLAH,tangan Rasulullah tidak pernah menyentuh tangan wanita sama sekali meskipun saat membaiat.(Hadis Riwayat Bukhari)

Inilah sebahagian etika pergaulan lelaki dan wanita selain mahram, yang mana apabila seseorang melanggar semuanya atau sebahagiannya sajaakan menjadi dosa zina baginya, sebagaimana sabda Rasulullah SAW; Dari Abu Hurairah r.a. dari Rasulullah SAW bersabda: Sesungguhnya ALLAH menetapkan untuk anak adam bahagiannya dari zina, yang pasti akan mengenainya. Zina mata dengan memandang, zina lisan dengan berbicara, sedangkan jiwa berkeinginan serta berangan-angan, lalu farji yang akan membenarkan atau mendustakan semuanya. (Hadis Riwayat Bukhari,Muslim & Abu Daud)Padahal ALLAH SWT telah melarang perbuatan zina dan segala sesuatu yang boleh mendekati kepada perbuatan zina. Sebagaimana Firman-NYA; Dan janganlah kamu mendekati zina,sesungguhnya zina itu adalah suatu perbuatan yang keji dan jalan yang buruk. (al-Isra: 32)


Tidak perlu la kita mengikut Melayu Liberal dalam hal ini...


Dan tidaklah patut bagi laki-laki yang mu’min dan tidak bagi perempuan yang mu’min, apabila Allah dan Rasul-Nya telah menetapkan suatu ketetapan, akan ada bagi mereka pilihan tentang urusan mereka. Dan barangsiapa mendurhakai Allah dan Rasul-Nya maka sungguhlah dia telah sesat, sesat yang nyata.(QS. Al-Ahzab : 36 )


p/s: Bukan mudah untuk kekal berada di jalan yang benar. Penulis menulis bagi memesan TERUTAMANYA kepada diri penulis sendiri kemudian kepada pembaca sekalian.


[1] Aurat : Apa Sudah Jadi?, Ust Hj Zaharuddin Hj Abd Rahman, http://www.zaharuddin.net/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=288&Itemid=72