This is just fictitious - now seriously ;)
I grew up just like any ordinary city boy. I grew up dreaming of owning the fastest graphic card on the planet, an overclocked gaming machine, a turbo-charged street racer with 20’ rim, a 40’ plasma tv, an authentic Fender Stratocaster guitar signed by John Fruschiante, a studio of my own, a grand prix thoroughbred of my own, and the list can go on forever. I grew up thinking that my life would be complete with those things and I was pretty much set for the dream. As far as I am concern, I got a stellar performance in high school and a place to study at a prestigious university overseas, so I was prety much right on the track.
I think I am bookish and rather scholarly since I was small, my classmates would call me pretty much a nerd, but with an attitude. I was a rebel since my early teenage, popular for my eccentricity among those who know me, but seemingly angelic to the unsuspecting ones – read: uncles, aunties, teachers and the likes. I was definately anti-establishment, but my demeanor revealed none of that - except of course if people caught me doing the act. Some of my classmates gave me the title: “calm water no buaya.”
Honestly, I used to think that those – let’s just put them as the nuqaba’ – are rather boring people from some other planet. Well, they know nothing about overclocked gaming machines, modified turbo-charged cars, let alone who Jimmy Hendrix is! So, they are the ones who need to get a life, not me. Their brand of conservatism just suffocated me. Having said that, I was not so detached from them either. After all, I was in the "sains agama" stream, so some of my friends were perhaps the nuqaba’ sort of material, naturally I did respect them. Simply put, my relationship with these people was an ambivalent one, I respect them but they were not my cup of tea. Naturally too, I had my own spiritual inclinations, and these unfulfilled inclinations battled with my self deep inside - that added up to the complication.
Some turns of events in my life brought me to a paradigm shift in terms of my worldview about this life. Simply put, I kind of changed – maybe just a bit. All I can say is, I no longer desire to own an overclocked gaming machine, a turbo-charged car, a Fender guitar, etcetera. A good friend of mine who knows me for a long time told me that I am turning more plastic. But I need no one’s reminder about that: I can feel it in my bones myself and I am trying to keep it real. Nowadays I often find myself in an awkward position of suffocating others with my brand of conservatism as opposed to me being the suffocated one. I guess sometimes – most of the times – I forget how it was like. I tell people to let go of their ‘dreams’ because they are not worth living, and people give me back the "Get a Life" look. True say, what comes around goes around.
Sometimes I ponder long at night thinking how to reconcile the two worlds – how to convince people that perhaps I am the 'al-Ghazali' who has seen it all. I can only imagine how these people feel when I start to impose certain things on them, but I have no idea how to translate that supposed understanding into a way to bridge the gap. Not to mention, I often fall short and irk other people when I make snide remarks about them, as I loose my temper. Great scholars say that there are three types of heart: the dead one, the so-and-so one, and the alive one. I am no scholar, but from my observation, there are three types of people that I usually come across:-
The super rich ones : These people have all the wonders of the dunya in their hands and it is a great trial for them. Usually what they seek for is to get more of the dunya. So that is their main goal in this life. They want the hottest sports car, a mansion, their daughters to dress like the western people (it’s liberating somehow), a young second wife (sometimes), indulge in high-class sports like golf or horse riding, and so on and so forth. So they feel accomplished if they get all those things. But if you know them in person, they are nice, charming people who just have high affinity for the ‘toys’ in this world.
The ordinary joe: These people they just want to live a simple, happy life. They mean no harm to anyone and usually they don’t desire those extravagant luxuries. But they do get excited about the dunya too, as they want to have a lot of fun in this life. I personally think they are the nicest people on this planet, as they don’t impose on you about anything and they will accept you without much prejudice.
The suffocating conservatives: These people act as though they are the vanguards of the moral order of the cosmos. They are - simply put - irritating people to be with. They tell you not to do this, not to do that, follow this, follow that, so that you will be saved. On top of that, these people like the dunya too (status): They call themselves Ikhwah and Akhawat to replace Dato’ and Datin. Actually they are nice people too, but many people missunderstood them. They want everyone to see the light, it's just that sometimes they get a tad too 'edgy'.
Sometimes the ordinary Joes envy the super rich ones for their luxuries, while the super rich ones envy the ordinary Joes for their care-free life. The suffocating conservatives envy no one because all they want to do is to change everyone else into machines like them. Thus, neither the ordinary Joes nor the super rich ones envy or like them. When the suffocating conservatives engage the super rich ones with their rhetoric like “Jadilah insan rabbani”, the answer will be something like, “Eww.. Oh my God... Get a life please.” Picture the same scenario, but this time around replace the super rich ones with the ordinary Joes, the answer will be: “Aku nak hidup lepak-lepak dulu, tak mau ar hidup dengan serious.” In the end, the frustrated suffocating conservatives will start swearing in their own unique way: “Maksiat.. Maksiat.”
Simply put, the rock solid triangle seems to be almost unbreakable. People might ask: “What is the remedy then?” Well, I would say: "I won't worry my life away..." So Ikhwah, Akhawat, Dato’, Datin, ladies and gentlemen, when are we going to sit on the same table and not get irritated by one another?
I think I am bookish and rather scholarly since I was small, my classmates would call me pretty much a nerd, but with an attitude. I was a rebel since my early teenage, popular for my eccentricity among those who know me, but seemingly angelic to the unsuspecting ones – read: uncles, aunties, teachers and the likes. I was definately anti-establishment, but my demeanor revealed none of that - except of course if people caught me doing the act. Some of my classmates gave me the title: “calm water no buaya.”
Honestly, I used to think that those – let’s just put them as the nuqaba’ – are rather boring people from some other planet. Well, they know nothing about overclocked gaming machines, modified turbo-charged cars, let alone who Jimmy Hendrix is! So, they are the ones who need to get a life, not me. Their brand of conservatism just suffocated me. Having said that, I was not so detached from them either. After all, I was in the "sains agama" stream, so some of my friends were perhaps the nuqaba’ sort of material, naturally I did respect them. Simply put, my relationship with these people was an ambivalent one, I respect them but they were not my cup of tea. Naturally too, I had my own spiritual inclinations, and these unfulfilled inclinations battled with my self deep inside - that added up to the complication.
Some turns of events in my life brought me to a paradigm shift in terms of my worldview about this life. Simply put, I kind of changed – maybe just a bit. All I can say is, I no longer desire to own an overclocked gaming machine, a turbo-charged car, a Fender guitar, etcetera. A good friend of mine who knows me for a long time told me that I am turning more plastic. But I need no one’s reminder about that: I can feel it in my bones myself and I am trying to keep it real. Nowadays I often find myself in an awkward position of suffocating others with my brand of conservatism as opposed to me being the suffocated one. I guess sometimes – most of the times – I forget how it was like. I tell people to let go of their ‘dreams’ because they are not worth living, and people give me back the "Get a Life" look. True say, what comes around goes around.
Sometimes I ponder long at night thinking how to reconcile the two worlds – how to convince people that perhaps I am the 'al-Ghazali' who has seen it all. I can only imagine how these people feel when I start to impose certain things on them, but I have no idea how to translate that supposed understanding into a way to bridge the gap. Not to mention, I often fall short and irk other people when I make snide remarks about them, as I loose my temper. Great scholars say that there are three types of heart: the dead one, the so-and-so one, and the alive one. I am no scholar, but from my observation, there are three types of people that I usually come across:-
The super rich ones : These people have all the wonders of the dunya in their hands and it is a great trial for them. Usually what they seek for is to get more of the dunya. So that is their main goal in this life. They want the hottest sports car, a mansion, their daughters to dress like the western people (it’s liberating somehow), a young second wife (sometimes), indulge in high-class sports like golf or horse riding, and so on and so forth. So they feel accomplished if they get all those things. But if you know them in person, they are nice, charming people who just have high affinity for the ‘toys’ in this world.
The ordinary joe: These people they just want to live a simple, happy life. They mean no harm to anyone and usually they don’t desire those extravagant luxuries. But they do get excited about the dunya too, as they want to have a lot of fun in this life. I personally think they are the nicest people on this planet, as they don’t impose on you about anything and they will accept you without much prejudice.
The suffocating conservatives: These people act as though they are the vanguards of the moral order of the cosmos. They are - simply put - irritating people to be with. They tell you not to do this, not to do that, follow this, follow that, so that you will be saved. On top of that, these people like the dunya too (status): They call themselves Ikhwah and Akhawat to replace Dato’ and Datin. Actually they are nice people too, but many people missunderstood them. They want everyone to see the light, it's just that sometimes they get a tad too 'edgy'.
Sometimes the ordinary Joes envy the super rich ones for their luxuries, while the super rich ones envy the ordinary Joes for their care-free life. The suffocating conservatives envy no one because all they want to do is to change everyone else into machines like them. Thus, neither the ordinary Joes nor the super rich ones envy or like them. When the suffocating conservatives engage the super rich ones with their rhetoric like “Jadilah insan rabbani”, the answer will be something like, “Eww.. Oh my God... Get a life please.” Picture the same scenario, but this time around replace the super rich ones with the ordinary Joes, the answer will be: “Aku nak hidup lepak-lepak dulu, tak mau ar hidup dengan serious.” In the end, the frustrated suffocating conservatives will start swearing in their own unique way: “Maksiat.. Maksiat.”
Simply put, the rock solid triangle seems to be almost unbreakable. People might ask: “What is the remedy then?” Well, I would say: "I won't worry my life away..." So Ikhwah, Akhawat, Dato’, Datin, ladies and gentlemen, when are we going to sit on the same table and not get irritated by one another?
you? an anti-establishment? hells, no way!
ReplyDeleteWell, we are in the same boat, my friends ask me to "get a life", LOL.
ReplyDeleteBangku:
ReplyDeleteHaha.. Didn't I say at the start that is it just fictitious?
Anyway, some probable reasons:-
1)I have mellowed down a lot nowadays.
2)Not all decisions I made are the ones I really like (due to various reasons).
anonymous:
Patient and constancy...
sebab ada bermacam-macam jenis manusia ini la yang menyebabkan hidup penuh warna-warni. kalau semua sejenis mesti bosan.
ReplyDelete