Saturday, May 30, 2009
A Brief Introduction to the Qira'at
This is my note of Shaikh Omar Khan's lecture given at Masjid Toronto. So... it's not perfect, it's just a note =)
The Shaikh - he has ijazah in the ten qira'at
Allah gave us the Qur’an and the purpose of the Qur’an is that we recite it and practice upon it. Right or wrong? If we have the Qur’an and we are reciting it but we are not getting any benefit out of it then we are wasting our time with it obviously and it makes sense. Thus Allah sends us the Qur’an, so that you learn from them, teach is to others, and change our lives.
Now regarding the Qur’an there are many branches. There are some who will focus their mind, attention, and education on tafseer of the Qur’an. There are some who will focus their study on the translation of the Qur’an – it is an art by itself (al-Itqan by Imam as-Suyuti). There are few people who will focus their attention on the different sciences behind the Qur’an. For example fuqaha’ willl focus on those verses that have to do with the ahkam. Scholars of ‘aqidah will focus on verses that has to do with ‘aqidah. Scholars of tibb (medicine) will focus on verses that have to do with medicine.
However, we find that the Qur’an itself can be broken down into smaller pieces. You have sentences: Sentences contain words and words contain letters. There is one part of the science of the Qur’an which has to do with letters; amazingly this part of the Qur’an has been really blessed by Allah. You can have scholars of tafseer who deal with verses, scholars of tarjamah who deal with words, scholars of recitation who deal with letters. Every aspects of the Qur’an is preserved.
In usul tafseer they teach us that translating a specific word of the Qur’an to another specific word is wrong unless there is a specific chain that connects with Rasulullah s.a.w. If the chain goes through Abdullah bin Abbas, then it is more authentic than other tafseer because Ibn Abbas is the most expert in the Qur’an. During the lifetime of the Prophet s.a.w. he went to one sahabi and told him that Allah had ordered you to recite the Qur’an to me – pure recitation. He recited Surah Nisa’ and continued reciting, reciting and reciting. The recitation of the Qur’an is held at such a level that people will continue to recite, recite, and recite, and people will continue to listen, listen, and listen. Compare this to our time?
Hadith: Every letter of the Qur’an will give you ten rewards. Obviously this hadith has to do with recitation. The prophet s.a.w. will make the habit of reciting the Qur’an when revelation comes. For example, I’m going to say to you an Arabic couplet in Arabic only once and you have to memorize it. The wahyu was coming and he s.a.w. had to memorize it straight away. He will move his lip. But Allah says in the Qur’an don’t move your lips; we will put it in your heart.
Ibrahim a.s. made the du’a “O Allah send within this people a prohet from among them, this messenger should recite to them the book and teach it to them”. Note that recitaton and teach it are separate. At the time of the prophet s.a.w. this idea of recitation of the Qur’an is very noble. The Qur’an is the word of Allah. How many of us think that we are blessed with the ability to recite the blessed words? We are the greatest people belonging to the greatest Prophet. The words of Allah are the greatest words. Thus the one who recite the Qur’an must be the greatest people. Hadith: Among the ones who recite the Qur’an and teach it, they are the best of people.
The purpose of our creation is for the hereafter – all of us are going to die. You might be old or young; it is wrong to say that the older the person, the closer he is to death. We never know when we are going to die.
First of all the Qur’an is revealed from Luh Mahfuz to the sky in the month ramadhan during Lailatul Qadr. Then during the Prophet s.a.w lifetime, the Qur’an is being revealed to him: Jibril will come to him and give him wahi. Now, as the wahyu will come to the Prophet s.a.w. there are many hadiths regarding the idea that the Prophet receives wahyu.
Haddith: My ummah won’t be able to bear this. Jibril came to him second time with the same verse; he recites the same verse to him in another harf. Then the Prophet s.a.w. said that I ask Allah for forgiveness and my ummah will not be able to bear this. Jibril came to him third time and recite to him in three harf. This continue until Jibril came to him the seventh time. This Qur’an is revealed in seven ahruf, recite one that is easiest for you. This hadith is mutawattir. Uthman said, how many of you remember that the Qur’an is revealed in seven ahruf? So many sahabah stand up and said they do. So to consider it as lying is impossible.
Hadith: Hisham bin Haqim was reciting al-Furqan, Umar heard it and said “I heard the Qur’an differently from the Prophet s.a.w.” He (the Prophet s.a.w.) told me differently. He took Hisham and took him to the prophet and told him, “Ya Rasulullah, he has been reciting the Qur’an differently from what you tought me.” Hisham recited it and he said that was how it was revealed. And the Prophet s.a.w. told Umar “you recite it.” He s.a.w. heard it and said that was how it was revealed. Then he s.a.w. said the Qur’an is revealed in seven ahruf.
There is a difference of opinion among the scholars as to the meaning of ahruf. The meaning according to Imam at-Tahawi: Sab’atu Ahruf meant the Qur’an is revealed in different synonyms. The limit of a certain words’ synonyms is seven. Another opinion is: Seven famous reading of the Qur’an, however this opinion is rejected by all the scholars. The most taken opinion is opinon of Ibn Jazri, Imam Malik, and Imam Suyuti. Ibn Jazri said, “This hadith of sab’atu ahruf was bothering me for thirty years. Untill Allah open up to me what it can mean. Seven ahruf means seven types of differences which takes place in all of the recitation.” You can have five hundred different ways of reading but if we were to encircle all of the differences we will come out with seven different types of differences.
First is number. One word of Qur’an is singular (wahid) and the other plural (jama’). Another difference is gender. Or a difference of the placement of the harakat. Another difference is the Variation in the verb. Another difference can be a difference in grammar. Another type of difference is the difference in dots. Another difference is the difference in accents. (The Shaikh gives examples but I omitted here).
If you take all of 20 qira’at you will find differences that fit in these seven types. The Qur’an was compiled twice. Once during the time of Abu Bakr, the other is Uthman. Their focus was to preserve the recitation. Abu Bakr version included only verses which are not abrogated.
Hudaifah came to Uthman and told him Islam is spreading wide to arab area and now the a’jam. Keep in mind tha the Qur’an is revealed in seven ahruf. The different recitations of the time of Abu Bakr, Uthman, and so on is so common. In our time if we recite in other recitation people will correct you. So it is common, people know, people say my qira’ah is a lot better than your qira’ah. Hudayfah brought this situation to Uthman. So Uthman got all the people of madinah together, “Listen all of you you are living so close to me, so many sahabah are here, along with us you are still saying all other recitation is wrong , this is better, this is worse.” So he said I’m going to compile this Qur’an and I need a few individuals to help me. He sends someone to Hafsah and get the copy from her.
There were lots of steps taken, so many conditions, for every verse compiled there need to be two witnesses. Uthman gathered and told the sahabah, the Qur’an was revealed in the language of the quraish. If anyone differs with zaid (quraysh) on how to write the word, then write the way zayd writes it because the Qur’an was reveled in the language of the quraysh. All the verses that was abrogated was taken off the mushaf, and all the seven ahruf were included in the mushaf. None of the dots, none of the harakah were put in and the specific way the Qur’an is written.
Another thing that was done: He complied seven some says five copies. He sends it to different places and kept one in madinah. He made this announcement. Anyone of you had any copy of the Qur’an burns it, because all of you are falsifying each others recitation. If you one come to the mushaf, go to it, and rewrite it the way that specific mushaf is written. Abdullah ibn Mas’ud wasn’t happy with this decision, to which Ali ibn Abi Talib once stood up (in fathul bari): Don’t say Uthman except which is good, I swear by Allah that whatever that he did regarding the compilation of the mushaf including the seven hurf, all the sahabah agrees with it (consensus).
Basically a few individuals came out and became the masters of the recitation of the Qur’an. There were seven sahabah who were known as the qurra: Uthman, Ali, Ubay, Abdullah bin Masud, Abdullah bin Darda, (missed the other two). The qurra whether old or young were part of the majlis of umar. This idea of recitation and bringing in and working on the recitation and becoming qurra’ was very famous at that time.
Here are the ten a’immah of the Qur’an. Their recitaions are different from the other.
1) Nafi’ of Madinah
2) Ibn Kathir of Makkah
3) Abu Ammar of Basra
4) Ibn ‘Amir
5) Asim of Kkuffah
6) Hamza of Kuffah
7) al-Kisa’i of Kuffah
8) Abu Ja’afar of Madinah
9) Ya’aqub of Basra
10) Khalaf Barzak of Kuffah
The mot famous qira’ah is the qira’ah of Imam Asim. Imam Hafs, who is the student of Imam Asim made the qira’at famous. So qira’at of Hafs is the most popular nowadays and it is from Imam Asim.
There’s always someone shining, like you go to Madinah, you can go to someone and someone, but you should go to Imam Nafi’. He is like the moon among the stars in the science of the recitation of the Qur’an at Madinah. Many people will teach the Qur’an, but out of that many people, there will be one person people would prefer. Why that guy? Because of the recitation of the Qur’an gives the person status. This was how it was during the time of the a’immah. Ask Imam Malik, which qira’ah do you like the most? His answer was the Qira’ah of Madinah. Who among the Madinah? His answer was Imam Nafi’. If I cannot go to him, who else? His answer was Imam Asim.
If I throw you a question, is it possible that there are more than ten qira’at? Yes, however how many are mutawattir? Ten. So when Allah says we reveal the Qur’an and we are going to preserve it. If someone recites the Qur’an in one qira’at and mix it all up; if a qari is there he will say you’re wrong. If you don’t know the usual the rules of the qira’ah you can’t recite it. It is mutawattir to rasulullah s.a.w., you can’t just make your own version up.
If you go to sheikh with a certification of tajweed; if I am going to ask you what stands out in his teaching? They will say that sheikh corrects me with the letters. The second is the harakat. Two things: Letters and the sounds. What’s amazing, once our children are growing up, by two or three, what do we teach them? Letters and sound. If you want your children to be successful in the recitation of the Qur’an, we should teach them the letters and sounds. That is the first step before tajweed. If you get letters and their sounds, you have made up a lot of ground, only then do tajweed. Every single reciter of the Qur’an has all worked on it. Because we want to recite the Qur’an the way Rasulullah s.a.w. recites it. Why we want to do it? We want to attain the pleasure of Allah. Why do we recite it again? So that when Allah calls us back then Allah will be please will us, this is the purpose of the Qur’an.
Finally, the Shaikh mentions something which he forgot to mention earlier: The differences of recitations (qira'at) don't change the meaning of the Qur'an and they are all mutawattir (unbroken chain heard by many) to the Rasulullah s.a.w.
The Shaikh - he has ijazah in the ten qira'atAllah gave us the Qur’an and the purpose of the Qur’an is that we recite it and practice upon it. Right or wrong? If we have the Qur’an and we are reciting it but we are not getting any benefit out of it then we are wasting our time with it obviously and it makes sense. Thus Allah sends us the Qur’an, so that you learn from them, teach is to others, and change our lives.
Now regarding the Qur’an there are many branches. There are some who will focus their mind, attention, and education on tafseer of the Qur’an. There are some who will focus their study on the translation of the Qur’an – it is an art by itself (al-Itqan by Imam as-Suyuti). There are few people who will focus their attention on the different sciences behind the Qur’an. For example fuqaha’ willl focus on those verses that have to do with the ahkam. Scholars of ‘aqidah will focus on verses that has to do with ‘aqidah. Scholars of tibb (medicine) will focus on verses that have to do with medicine.
However, we find that the Qur’an itself can be broken down into smaller pieces. You have sentences: Sentences contain words and words contain letters. There is one part of the science of the Qur’an which has to do with letters; amazingly this part of the Qur’an has been really blessed by Allah. You can have scholars of tafseer who deal with verses, scholars of tarjamah who deal with words, scholars of recitation who deal with letters. Every aspects of the Qur’an is preserved.
In usul tafseer they teach us that translating a specific word of the Qur’an to another specific word is wrong unless there is a specific chain that connects with Rasulullah s.a.w. If the chain goes through Abdullah bin Abbas, then it is more authentic than other tafseer because Ibn Abbas is the most expert in the Qur’an. During the lifetime of the Prophet s.a.w. he went to one sahabi and told him that Allah had ordered you to recite the Qur’an to me – pure recitation. He recited Surah Nisa’ and continued reciting, reciting and reciting. The recitation of the Qur’an is held at such a level that people will continue to recite, recite, and recite, and people will continue to listen, listen, and listen. Compare this to our time?
Hadith: Every letter of the Qur’an will give you ten rewards. Obviously this hadith has to do with recitation. The prophet s.a.w. will make the habit of reciting the Qur’an when revelation comes. For example, I’m going to say to you an Arabic couplet in Arabic only once and you have to memorize it. The wahyu was coming and he s.a.w. had to memorize it straight away. He will move his lip. But Allah says in the Qur’an don’t move your lips; we will put it in your heart.
Ibrahim a.s. made the du’a “O Allah send within this people a prohet from among them, this messenger should recite to them the book and teach it to them”. Note that recitaton and teach it are separate. At the time of the prophet s.a.w. this idea of recitation of the Qur’an is very noble. The Qur’an is the word of Allah. How many of us think that we are blessed with the ability to recite the blessed words? We are the greatest people belonging to the greatest Prophet. The words of Allah are the greatest words. Thus the one who recite the Qur’an must be the greatest people. Hadith: Among the ones who recite the Qur’an and teach it, they are the best of people.
The purpose of our creation is for the hereafter – all of us are going to die. You might be old or young; it is wrong to say that the older the person, the closer he is to death. We never know when we are going to die.
First of all the Qur’an is revealed from Luh Mahfuz to the sky in the month ramadhan during Lailatul Qadr. Then during the Prophet s.a.w lifetime, the Qur’an is being revealed to him: Jibril will come to him and give him wahi. Now, as the wahyu will come to the Prophet s.a.w. there are many hadiths regarding the idea that the Prophet receives wahyu.
Haddith: My ummah won’t be able to bear this. Jibril came to him second time with the same verse; he recites the same verse to him in another harf. Then the Prophet s.a.w. said that I ask Allah for forgiveness and my ummah will not be able to bear this. Jibril came to him third time and recite to him in three harf. This continue until Jibril came to him the seventh time. This Qur’an is revealed in seven ahruf, recite one that is easiest for you. This hadith is mutawattir. Uthman said, how many of you remember that the Qur’an is revealed in seven ahruf? So many sahabah stand up and said they do. So to consider it as lying is impossible.
Hadith: Hisham bin Haqim was reciting al-Furqan, Umar heard it and said “I heard the Qur’an differently from the Prophet s.a.w.” He (the Prophet s.a.w.) told me differently. He took Hisham and took him to the prophet and told him, “Ya Rasulullah, he has been reciting the Qur’an differently from what you tought me.” Hisham recited it and he said that was how it was revealed. And the Prophet s.a.w. told Umar “you recite it.” He s.a.w. heard it and said that was how it was revealed. Then he s.a.w. said the Qur’an is revealed in seven ahruf.
There is a difference of opinion among the scholars as to the meaning of ahruf. The meaning according to Imam at-Tahawi: Sab’atu Ahruf meant the Qur’an is revealed in different synonyms. The limit of a certain words’ synonyms is seven. Another opinion is: Seven famous reading of the Qur’an, however this opinion is rejected by all the scholars. The most taken opinion is opinon of Ibn Jazri, Imam Malik, and Imam Suyuti. Ibn Jazri said, “This hadith of sab’atu ahruf was bothering me for thirty years. Untill Allah open up to me what it can mean. Seven ahruf means seven types of differences which takes place in all of the recitation.” You can have five hundred different ways of reading but if we were to encircle all of the differences we will come out with seven different types of differences.
First is number. One word of Qur’an is singular (wahid) and the other plural (jama’). Another difference is gender. Or a difference of the placement of the harakat. Another difference is the Variation in the verb. Another difference can be a difference in grammar. Another type of difference is the difference in dots. Another difference is the difference in accents. (The Shaikh gives examples but I omitted here).
If you take all of 20 qira’at you will find differences that fit in these seven types. The Qur’an was compiled twice. Once during the time of Abu Bakr, the other is Uthman. Their focus was to preserve the recitation. Abu Bakr version included only verses which are not abrogated.
Hudaifah came to Uthman and told him Islam is spreading wide to arab area and now the a’jam. Keep in mind tha the Qur’an is revealed in seven ahruf. The different recitations of the time of Abu Bakr, Uthman, and so on is so common. In our time if we recite in other recitation people will correct you. So it is common, people know, people say my qira’ah is a lot better than your qira’ah. Hudayfah brought this situation to Uthman. So Uthman got all the people of madinah together, “Listen all of you you are living so close to me, so many sahabah are here, along with us you are still saying all other recitation is wrong , this is better, this is worse.” So he said I’m going to compile this Qur’an and I need a few individuals to help me. He sends someone to Hafsah and get the copy from her.
There were lots of steps taken, so many conditions, for every verse compiled there need to be two witnesses. Uthman gathered and told the sahabah, the Qur’an was revealed in the language of the quraish. If anyone differs with zaid (quraysh) on how to write the word, then write the way zayd writes it because the Qur’an was reveled in the language of the quraysh. All the verses that was abrogated was taken off the mushaf, and all the seven ahruf were included in the mushaf. None of the dots, none of the harakah were put in and the specific way the Qur’an is written.
Another thing that was done: He complied seven some says five copies. He sends it to different places and kept one in madinah. He made this announcement. Anyone of you had any copy of the Qur’an burns it, because all of you are falsifying each others recitation. If you one come to the mushaf, go to it, and rewrite it the way that specific mushaf is written. Abdullah ibn Mas’ud wasn’t happy with this decision, to which Ali ibn Abi Talib once stood up (in fathul bari): Don’t say Uthman except which is good, I swear by Allah that whatever that he did regarding the compilation of the mushaf including the seven hurf, all the sahabah agrees with it (consensus).
Basically a few individuals came out and became the masters of the recitation of the Qur’an. There were seven sahabah who were known as the qurra: Uthman, Ali, Ubay, Abdullah bin Masud, Abdullah bin Darda, (missed the other two). The qurra whether old or young were part of the majlis of umar. This idea of recitation and bringing in and working on the recitation and becoming qurra’ was very famous at that time.
Here are the ten a’immah of the Qur’an. Their recitaions are different from the other.
1) Nafi’ of Madinah
2) Ibn Kathir of Makkah
3) Abu Ammar of Basra
4) Ibn ‘Amir
5) Asim of Kkuffah
6) Hamza of Kuffah
7) al-Kisa’i of Kuffah
8) Abu Ja’afar of Madinah
9) Ya’aqub of Basra
10) Khalaf Barzak of Kuffah
The mot famous qira’ah is the qira’ah of Imam Asim. Imam Hafs, who is the student of Imam Asim made the qira’at famous. So qira’at of Hafs is the most popular nowadays and it is from Imam Asim.
There’s always someone shining, like you go to Madinah, you can go to someone and someone, but you should go to Imam Nafi’. He is like the moon among the stars in the science of the recitation of the Qur’an at Madinah. Many people will teach the Qur’an, but out of that many people, there will be one person people would prefer. Why that guy? Because of the recitation of the Qur’an gives the person status. This was how it was during the time of the a’immah. Ask Imam Malik, which qira’ah do you like the most? His answer was the Qira’ah of Madinah. Who among the Madinah? His answer was Imam Nafi’. If I cannot go to him, who else? His answer was Imam Asim.
If I throw you a question, is it possible that there are more than ten qira’at? Yes, however how many are mutawattir? Ten. So when Allah says we reveal the Qur’an and we are going to preserve it. If someone recites the Qur’an in one qira’at and mix it all up; if a qari is there he will say you’re wrong. If you don’t know the usual the rules of the qira’ah you can’t recite it. It is mutawattir to rasulullah s.a.w., you can’t just make your own version up.
If you go to sheikh with a certification of tajweed; if I am going to ask you what stands out in his teaching? They will say that sheikh corrects me with the letters. The second is the harakat. Two things: Letters and the sounds. What’s amazing, once our children are growing up, by two or three, what do we teach them? Letters and sound. If you want your children to be successful in the recitation of the Qur’an, we should teach them the letters and sounds. That is the first step before tajweed. If you get letters and their sounds, you have made up a lot of ground, only then do tajweed. Every single reciter of the Qur’an has all worked on it. Because we want to recite the Qur’an the way Rasulullah s.a.w. recites it. Why we want to do it? We want to attain the pleasure of Allah. Why do we recite it again? So that when Allah calls us back then Allah will be please will us, this is the purpose of the Qur’an.
Finally, the Shaikh mentions something which he forgot to mention earlier: The differences of recitations (qira'at) don't change the meaning of the Qur'an and they are all mutawattir (unbroken chain heard by many) to the Rasulullah s.a.w.
Brother Ibn Ally reciting Surah Yasin in ten different qira'at.
Shaikhuna (my tajweed teacher) =)Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps down the roads armed with nothing but their own vision. Their goals differed, but they all had this in common: that the step was first, the road new, the vision unborrowed, and the response they received - hatred... But the men of unborrowed vision went ahead. They fought, the suffered and they paid. But they won. -Fountainhead
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Doors Open Toronto 2009: Masjid Toronto
You can read my last year's post for some background of Doors Open Toronto
What is Doors Open Toronto? Simply put, Doors Open Toronto is an event where certain buildings which are usually inaccessible to the public open their doors and invite everyone to come inside. This is the second year running that Masjid Toronto participated in this event. What's the deal?
"Welcome to Masjid Toronto. I am your tourguide of the day" All smiles :) Hehe..
What's fascinating was the diversity of people who came: An old Russian couple whose wife's long lost descendants are Muslims; an Anglican Christian lady who is originally from Hong Kong; an agnostic Englishmen couple; a Muslim from Indonesia who is visiting here for a business trip; a couple whose husband is a Jewish and the wife is a Christian (they were fascinated to know that the Qur'an has a chapter on Mary); A young Indian lad with his Korean girlfriend (Ops.. May they recieve guidance, no? We only convey) and the list goes on... But that's just so Toronto.
Islam awareness is pretty high over here nowadays. Most of them know quite well that we pray five times a day, we fast during the month of ramadhan, we do pilgrimage to Mecca, and other pillars of Islam. So it was fascinating to throw at them questions like: Do you know that the Prophet s.a.w. was monogamous for more than 20 years? How does a banking system works without interest? Was the prophetic society really patriarchal or pretty egalitarian? Can a Muslim woman goes to war, be a scholar, be a merchant, etc?
What is Doors Open Toronto? Simply put, Doors Open Toronto is an event where certain buildings which are usually inaccessible to the public open their doors and invite everyone to come inside. This is the second year running that Masjid Toronto participated in this event. What's the deal?
"Welcome to Masjid Toronto. I am your tourguide of the day" All smiles :) Hehe..
What's fascinating was the diversity of people who came: An old Russian couple whose wife's long lost descendants are Muslims; an Anglican Christian lady who is originally from Hong Kong; an agnostic Englishmen couple; a Muslim from Indonesia who is visiting here for a business trip; a couple whose husband is a Jewish and the wife is a Christian (they were fascinated to know that the Qur'an has a chapter on Mary); A young Indian lad with his Korean girlfriend (Ops.. May they recieve guidance, no? We only convey) and the list goes on... But that's just so Toronto.
Islam awareness is pretty high over here nowadays. Most of them know quite well that we pray five times a day, we fast during the month of ramadhan, we do pilgrimage to Mecca, and other pillars of Islam. So it was fascinating to throw at them questions like: Do you know that the Prophet s.a.w. was monogamous for more than 20 years? How does a banking system works without interest? Was the prophetic society really patriarchal or pretty egalitarian? Can a Muslim woman goes to war, be a scholar, be a merchant, etc?
So it was kinda cool. Anyway, here are some pictures:-
The mosque with Doors Open Toronto poster on the wall. See the open door?
The Big Akhi, Big Ukhti (Big Brother, Big Sister) poetry group reciting their poems in the mosque. MasyaAllah, they're awesome, the visitors liked them a lot.
This brother's poem is about him running away with his girlfriend from the prejudiced society - his partner-in-crime. We were wondering all through...Who is she?
"She's Islam, and I'm in love."
Some visitors that we had.P.S. Randy Pausch said, "if you're in the driving seat, that doesn't mean you have to run over people."
Friday, May 22, 2009
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Home
I guess when you come back for only two and a half weeks, time feels a lot more precious than if you're back for four months - certainly I felt that way. This time around, there is just no time to waste at all, because every second seems so precious.
The mission was simple: I want to remember, I want to be remembered, and I need to sort out a few important things. All thanks to my family for taking time off and spending precious time with me; I will remember them - especially for the next two years - insyaAllah. All I can say, I can only be at my happiest best when I'm around them.
By the way, wanna know what made me decided to come home? I watched this movie and it made me ask this question: "If I'm gone, who will really miss me?" I didn't have to ponder about it, it was just reflex: Mom. So, I decided I had to go back no matter what.
Sometimes, it's okay to do things for anonymous, but it means a lot more if you do them for people you really love. It’s only human to want to feel appreciated, but of course, whatever we do, the reason has to be only for Him, and we expect nothing in return. So I want my siblings to remember that they have me, even though I’m usually not at home nowadays.
Plus, I think I have changed quite a lot through time; me three years back is not the same as me now; in fact, me a year back is a lot different too (probably). I need them to update their memory and vice versa, so that we are in synch again. By the way, the only thing that people keep telling me when they meet me is “you look kurus” and they start to postulate weird things about Canadian food or UofT upper year. Apakah? Haha..
Anyway, let’s sidetrack, when I came home I bought my little brother a video game, mainly because that’s the only thing I can picture him enjoying it. But of course, I don’t want him to be a game junkie, it’s such a waste of valuable time. I used to be hooked up on video games too, so I know how it feels like. The more important point is: I know that it is very possible that at one point in your life you just lose interest in it, so nothing to be panicking about. Plus, he knows his priorities, he does okay in school.
The upside of this scheme was that he had to listen to my ‘lectures’ as he couldn’t run away from me – terhutang budi. So when I saw him playing game, I went, “Abang tengok Adi ni asset main game je. Rasa-rasanya la kan, apa tujuan hidup ni?” Of course my ‘lectures’ were usually longer, but now he gets good at it already: “Ye la , ye la, Adi sembahyang jugak, Adi study jugak, Adi baca buku jugak, bila Adi boring je Adi main game.” And I just smile at him, but that’s how I get a channel to deliver what I want to say to him.
I was surprised that one day, while I was on my bed immersing myself with a book, he came to me and told me about story books that he read – see my lectures were effective :) So before I left, I brought him to the bookstore, and bought him a book. But of course nothing beats games at the moment, small steps.
There was a friend that I didn’t want to meet, but I had to meet him in the end – I just could not stand not meeting him at all. I didn’t want to miss him, so I would rather not prolong my acquaintance. Before I left, I went to the stable and the rest were details. He was doing good, but a bit naughty off late. Missing me maybe? Perasan... But I’m getting really rusty at riding. Ah well, nothing much can be done about that at the moment.
In conclusion, I enjoyed this short stay very much, I guess mainly because it felt so precious. Now I have to concentrate on upcoming tasks at hand: My work, my finance, my idealism, etc. Will be missing home soon...
Note: I know you guys stalk my blog sometimes. Buat-buat tak baca ye kalau terbaca, macam biasa. And stop accusing me of writing too intellectual :)
The mission was simple: I want to remember, I want to be remembered, and I need to sort out a few important things. All thanks to my family for taking time off and spending precious time with me; I will remember them - especially for the next two years - insyaAllah. All I can say, I can only be at my happiest best when I'm around them.
By the way, wanna know what made me decided to come home? I watched this movie and it made me ask this question: "If I'm gone, who will really miss me?" I didn't have to ponder about it, it was just reflex: Mom. So, I decided I had to go back no matter what.
Sometimes, it's okay to do things for anonymous, but it means a lot more if you do them for people you really love. It’s only human to want to feel appreciated, but of course, whatever we do, the reason has to be only for Him, and we expect nothing in return. So I want my siblings to remember that they have me, even though I’m usually not at home nowadays.
Plus, I think I have changed quite a lot through time; me three years back is not the same as me now; in fact, me a year back is a lot different too (probably). I need them to update their memory and vice versa, so that we are in synch again. By the way, the only thing that people keep telling me when they meet me is “you look kurus” and they start to postulate weird things about Canadian food or UofT upper year. Apakah? Haha..
Anyway, let’s sidetrack, when I came home I bought my little brother a video game, mainly because that’s the only thing I can picture him enjoying it. But of course, I don’t want him to be a game junkie, it’s such a waste of valuable time. I used to be hooked up on video games too, so I know how it feels like. The more important point is: I know that it is very possible that at one point in your life you just lose interest in it, so nothing to be panicking about. Plus, he knows his priorities, he does okay in school.
The upside of this scheme was that he had to listen to my ‘lectures’ as he couldn’t run away from me – terhutang budi. So when I saw him playing game, I went, “Abang tengok Adi ni asset main game je. Rasa-rasanya la kan, apa tujuan hidup ni?” Of course my ‘lectures’ were usually longer, but now he gets good at it already: “Ye la , ye la, Adi sembahyang jugak, Adi study jugak, Adi baca buku jugak, bila Adi boring je Adi main game.” And I just smile at him, but that’s how I get a channel to deliver what I want to say to him.
I was surprised that one day, while I was on my bed immersing myself with a book, he came to me and told me about story books that he read – see my lectures were effective :) So before I left, I brought him to the bookstore, and bought him a book. But of course nothing beats games at the moment, small steps.
There was a friend that I didn’t want to meet, but I had to meet him in the end – I just could not stand not meeting him at all. I didn’t want to miss him, so I would rather not prolong my acquaintance. Before I left, I went to the stable and the rest were details. He was doing good, but a bit naughty off late. Missing me maybe? Perasan... But I’m getting really rusty at riding. Ah well, nothing much can be done about that at the moment.
In conclusion, I enjoyed this short stay very much, I guess mainly because it felt so precious. Now I have to concentrate on upcoming tasks at hand: My work, my finance, my idealism, etc. Will be missing home soon...
Note: I know you guys stalk my blog sometimes. Buat-buat tak baca ye kalau terbaca, macam biasa. And stop accusing me of writing too intellectual :)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
No, I'm Real
The speaker eloquently layed out his menifesto.
"... I will use the money wisely. Last time around I didn't know we have so much money and we can actually use this money to do these things."
I sat there, wondering how should I compute these words and how should I feel. I scrutinized his face, waiting if he would make an eye contact with me, but I guess the audience engulfed him.
"Remember I used to hold events last time around? I didn't know about this. So now that I know, I can ensure you we will spend them wisely."
I just wished I was Howard Roark - completely emotionless and completely unaffected by other people. I felt like shouting, "I've told you, I've asked you, I was even there and you said it's a hassle and you didn't need it." I closed my eyes and told myself, "Let go, ego, shut up."
"The budgets were all approximate..."
I just sat my eyes on the face, waiting for any sign of guilt to show, but it never came. In my head, "That's not true, but we know..." Ahh, I just kept quiet, as I usually do. And I wonder, "Is this pretension?" The other voice in my head shouted "No, I'm real."
PS: This is just a self made-up drama. Nobody should ever link it with anything real. I like drama when I'm in my 'fiction mode'. Random imaginary thought.
"... I will use the money wisely. Last time around I didn't know we have so much money and we can actually use this money to do these things."
I sat there, wondering how should I compute these words and how should I feel. I scrutinized his face, waiting if he would make an eye contact with me, but I guess the audience engulfed him.
"Remember I used to hold events last time around? I didn't know about this. So now that I know, I can ensure you we will spend them wisely."
I just wished I was Howard Roark - completely emotionless and completely unaffected by other people. I felt like shouting, "I've told you, I've asked you, I was even there and you said it's a hassle and you didn't need it." I closed my eyes and told myself, "Let go, ego, shut up."
"The budgets were all approximate..."
I just sat my eyes on the face, waiting for any sign of guilt to show, but it never came. In my head, "That's not true, but we know..." Ahh, I just kept quiet, as I usually do. And I wonder, "Is this pretension?" The other voice in my head shouted "No, I'm real."
PS: This is just a self made-up drama. Nobody should ever link it with anything real. I like drama when I'm in my 'fiction mode'. Random imaginary thought.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Get It?
I'm not free off late, and it's bothering me. I'll try to pretend that I don't care, but I can only pretend - at best - as it is. Sometimes I say to myself it's not about me, but I guess that is a big lie.
"Of course it's about you, what you desire, and your ego. Don't pretend to be some martyr over here. Get it?!?!"
Well, I'm not playing any game; I'm not hiding any ace up my sleeves; I'm just trying to be true... trying to be true to Him. And those who are dear to God, they put their trust in Him, and He will take care of their affairs. But, you know what's scary? I'm just a sinner. Sometimes I wonder, maybe, after all, I walk alone deservingly.
He knows best and I've just got to trust.
PS: The pen has been lifted and the ink has been dried . Cheer up =)
"Of course it's about you, what you desire, and your ego. Don't pretend to be some martyr over here. Get it?!?!"
Well, I'm not playing any game; I'm not hiding any ace up my sleeves; I'm just trying to be true... trying to be true to Him. And those who are dear to God, they put their trust in Him, and He will take care of their affairs. But, you know what's scary? I'm just a sinner. Sometimes I wonder, maybe, after all, I walk alone deservingly.
He knows best and I've just got to trust.
PS: The pen has been lifted and the ink has been dried . Cheer up =)
Saturday, May 9, 2009
On Fiction
Someone asked me, “What kind of book do you read?” The answer can be from Mars to Venus to Scientific American or Bulugh al-Maram. Maybe someday I’ll write on that, but this is just on fiction, and it’s not in details.
I picked a spot at the veranda of the restaurant as I wanted to breathe the stale, homely air. I reclined myself on the chair and I put The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society on the table. The waiter looked quizzically at me, as though he was expecting something out of the ordinary to happen – perhaps me conjuring some magic?
“Sorang je?”
In my mind, I was like “patut la...” and I smiled politely at him. I thought about replying the sarcastic “Oh I’m here with my book”, but I decided to be a bit nice.
“Ha’ah sorang je.”
I guess the sight of a young lad arriving at midnight with just a novel and no one else to lepak with, was not something mundane for him. I looked around to do a ‘survey.’ True enough I was the only person sitting at this coffee shop alone with a book. Around me were families, groups of friends, and the lovebirds – hopefully they were married. For the record, I’d prefer to be with friends, but during that time none of them were available.
“Ipoh White Coffee cold satu.”
“Ada apa-apa lagi?”
“Tu je, terime kasih”
I don’t like hot drinks; that is part of my eccentricity. I immersed myself with The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society for a couple of hours and decided to call it a day.
I think fictions are like chocolates: I like to let them melt in my mouth slowly. But I always marvel at people who can speed read – simply because I can’t do it. Plus, speed readers are useful people to be around with. When a highly-anticipated book comes out (i.e. Harry Potter), everybody wants to read it first and nobody likes to wait. Since I like to taste a book like a chocolate, it means I always have to go through the agonizing wait. Hint: We don’t buy so many Harry Potter books at the same time.
So my sister and my cousins will lock themselves up in their rooms when they get their copies of Harry Potter, and they will emerge out of their respective fortresses before dinner with “dah habis baca dah” pronounced on their lips – I have to simply wait for the fastest reader to get my hand on the book. The only thing I will say is “shut up, don’t give me the spoilers” and I’ll take two or three days to finish the same book.
The genre of fiction that I like changes from time to time. When I was small, I like sci fi, fantasy, and detective stories in particular. I read the whole Lord of the Rings trilogy plus The Hobbit way before LOTR became popular on the big screen. I was also a Conan Doyle buff: I read every story that he wrote on Sherlock Holmes, including The Hound of Baskervilles and His Last Bow.
But as I grew older, my penchant for fantasies and thrilling plot wanes, and I started to read novels with more emotion and bigger themes. Plus, during college, my literature teacher was an advocate of satirical classics. So I started to read the works of Orwell, Dostoyevsky, Tolstoy, Harper Lee, Gabriel García Márquez, Fitzgerald, and the likes. I also started to read classic chick lit as I tried to figure out The Other – I still don’t understand them and I don’t think I ever will. Ops... Hehe...
Currently I’m on holiday, and I’m reading The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society and The Fountainhead. The Fountainhead is fast becoming one of my favourites, I think I’ll write something about it in the future when I’m done with the novel.
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
The Edge
Slow it down, because I can't...
Reason me out as my mind goes off,
Make it simpler for me please,
Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna.
Reason me out as my mind goes off,
Make it simpler for me please,
Maafkan bila ku tak sempurna.
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