Epilogue: This is only my note. Hence, the incoherence.
Usrah is family. Usrah is drived from Asir: Prisoner. You are bind to your parents, you can’t disown them.
Syaikh Hamza comment: Allah s.a.w. says in a hadith Qudsi, I am Ar-Rahman, I have created the Rahim (womb), and I have derived a name for it, from My Name (Ar-Rahman) - (hadith Qudsi) Woman is a man with a womb; men are at a disadvantage, they don’t have wombs! The womb is the source of Rahmah (Mercy) on this earth, men don’t have the source of Rahmah, the source of rahmah in world is the womb, and the thing closest to Allah is Rahmah.
When the Prophet says he loved women, what he’s saying is that he loved the qualities that women possessed. Women by their nature possess qualities that are beloved to Allah, while as men they have to learn those qualities and they are difficult to learn. One of them is Rahmah (mercy). Most women have Rahmah and the womb is the source of Rahmah according to the hadith. So women by nature have Rahmah while as a man it’s something that he has to really strive and work on to get.
(Syaikh Hamza Yusuf)
A few hadiths and verses from Qur’an that we should ponder about:-
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (al-Tirmidhi)
“No Muslim should detest his Muslim wife. If he dislikes some of her qualities, he may find some other qualities more pleasing.”
In Khutbah during Haji Wada’, the Prophet s.a.w. said: [Hold fast to my advice with regard to women:] “Treat them with goodness/kindness.”
(al-Tirmidhi)
Note: The Prophet s.a.w. dedicated a substantial portion of his last sermon at the Hajjat al-Wada’ (Farewell pilgrimage) to explain and stress the importance of a husband’s obligations towards his wife.
“They are your garments and you are their garments” [23:187]
“Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity” [4:19]
I told a friend he needs to learn how to cook because someday he is going to get married. He gave me this stare, and said his future wife will do that. I asked him why does he expect so? He said it is the norm of our community that women do the chores of the house. I said to him, “Let’s say your future-wife is a professional too. Since she is a woman, more delicate than you are, wouldn’t it be unfair to expect her to do more than you do?”
Mufti Muhammad Taqi Uthmani has a nice advice: “It is not a legal (Shar’i) obligation upon a wife to cook the meals or clean the house. If a woman chooses not to do this, her husband cannot compel her to do so. However, apart from the legal injunctions Islam has given some moral instructions to both the husband and wife. They should realise that they are life companions who should not restrict themselves to the legal requirements alone, but should join hands to make mutual life as comfortable and harmonious as possible.”
So it is a misconception that it is ‘Islamic’ to force a wife to do all these. Plus, Aisyah r.a. related that the Prophet s.a.w. used to milk the goats, wash and sew his clothes.
“From Al-Aswad he reported: Aisyah r.a. was asked on the Prophet’s family life and what he did at home. She replied: The Prophet s.a.w always assisted his family members in doing household chores. When prayer time approaches, he will leave for prayer” (Sahih Bukhari).
On admonition and beating:-
“In Surah An-Nisa': 34-35, the word "beating" is used in the verse, but it does not mean "physical abuse". The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explained it "dharban ghayra mubarrih" which means "a light tap that leaves no mark". He further said that face must be avoided. Some other scholars are of the view that it is no more than a light touch by siwak, or toothbrush!
Generally, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to discourage his followers from taking even this measure. He never hit any female, and he used to say that the best of men are those who do not hit their wives. In one hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43)”
(Dr. Jamal Badawi & Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi)
Ibn Ashur said the intention behind syari’ah is to eliminate domestic violence. Why? Jahilli women were treated like property, chattel, except for the aristocratic. Saydinna Umar said, “we use to look women like beast, burden, until we saw the Qur’an elevating their status.”
“Nushuz is grouse disobedience; it’s not just about not making dinner. As mentioned earliar, it is not wajibat to make dinner, a qadi can’t impose it on women. Mukrah, is out of compulsion. Ta’a is desire and yearning. So it is to serve by desire, not compulsion. Khidmah is part of nature of woman.” (Summary of part of Shaikh Hamza Yusuf’s lecture)
A friend told me that he doesn’t want to marry early because he thinks at the moment he doesn’t have enough wisdom to teach his future children – a realization he got after reading Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture. I was pretty struck by that idea.
Ibn Hajar wrote a book called Tarbiyat Aulad (nurturing children). The Prophet s.a.w. was gentle with children. He puts his hand on the head and said this is the best creation of Allah. We have to honour our children. Ibn Qayyim said, “Allah has enjoined upon us the right of children before he enjoined upon children the right of the parents.”
Someone came to Ali ibn Abi Talib and complained, “My child is in grouse disrespect of me.” Ali r.a. asked him, “How did you treat him when he was young?” He said, “I neglected him.” So Ali r.a. said, “What do you expect now?”
The Prophet s.a.w. never beats his wife or any children. But the tradition in most Muslim countries is to quickly use physical admonition towards children. The westeners don’t beat their children. And if education is the axon of a country’s economy, then small wonder that Muslim countries are so lagging behind. What’s wrong with us? We must break the cycle.
Usrah is family. Usrah is drived from Asir: Prisoner. You are bind to your parents, you can’t disown them.
Syaikh Hamza comment: Allah s.a.w. says in a hadith Qudsi, I am Ar-Rahman, I have created the Rahim (womb), and I have derived a name for it, from My Name (Ar-Rahman) - (hadith Qudsi) Woman is a man with a womb; men are at a disadvantage, they don’t have wombs! The womb is the source of Rahmah (Mercy) on this earth, men don’t have the source of Rahmah, the source of rahmah in world is the womb, and the thing closest to Allah is Rahmah.
When the Prophet says he loved women, what he’s saying is that he loved the qualities that women possessed. Women by their nature possess qualities that are beloved to Allah, while as men they have to learn those qualities and they are difficult to learn. One of them is Rahmah (mercy). Most women have Rahmah and the womb is the source of Rahmah according to the hadith. So women by nature have Rahmah while as a man it’s something that he has to really strive and work on to get.
(Syaikh Hamza Yusuf)
A few hadiths and verses from Qur’an that we should ponder about:-
“The best of you are those who are best to their wives.” (al-Tirmidhi)
“No Muslim should detest his Muslim wife. If he dislikes some of her qualities, he may find some other qualities more pleasing.”
In Khutbah during Haji Wada’, the Prophet s.a.w. said: [Hold fast to my advice with regard to women:] “Treat them with goodness/kindness.”
(al-Tirmidhi)
Note: The Prophet s.a.w. dedicated a substantial portion of his last sermon at the Hajjat al-Wada’ (Farewell pilgrimage) to explain and stress the importance of a husband’s obligations towards his wife.
“They are your garments and you are their garments” [23:187]
“Live with them on a footing of kindness and equity” [4:19]
I told a friend he needs to learn how to cook because someday he is going to get married. He gave me this stare, and said his future wife will do that. I asked him why does he expect so? He said it is the norm of our community that women do the chores of the house. I said to him, “Let’s say your future-wife is a professional too. Since she is a woman, more delicate than you are, wouldn’t it be unfair to expect her to do more than you do?”
Mufti Muhammad Taqi Uthmani has a nice advice: “It is not a legal (Shar’i) obligation upon a wife to cook the meals or clean the house. If a woman chooses not to do this, her husband cannot compel her to do so. However, apart from the legal injunctions Islam has given some moral instructions to both the husband and wife. They should realise that they are life companions who should not restrict themselves to the legal requirements alone, but should join hands to make mutual life as comfortable and harmonious as possible.”
So it is a misconception that it is ‘Islamic’ to force a wife to do all these. Plus, Aisyah r.a. related that the Prophet s.a.w. used to milk the goats, wash and sew his clothes.
“From Al-Aswad he reported: Aisyah r.a. was asked on the Prophet’s family life and what he did at home. She replied: The Prophet s.a.w always assisted his family members in doing household chores. When prayer time approaches, he will leave for prayer” (Sahih Bukhari).
On admonition and beating:-
“In Surah An-Nisa': 34-35, the word "beating" is used in the verse, but it does not mean "physical abuse". The Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) explained it "dharban ghayra mubarrih" which means "a light tap that leaves no mark". He further said that face must be avoided. Some other scholars are of the view that it is no more than a light touch by siwak, or toothbrush!
Generally, the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) used to discourage his followers from taking even this measure. He never hit any female, and he used to say that the best of men are those who do not hit their wives. In one hadith he expressed his extreme repulsion from this behavior and said, "How does anyone of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace (sleep with) her?” (Al-Bukhari, English Translation, vol. 8, Hadith 68, pp. 42-43)”
(Dr. Jamal Badawi & Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi)
Ibn Ashur said the intention behind syari’ah is to eliminate domestic violence. Why? Jahilli women were treated like property, chattel, except for the aristocratic. Saydinna Umar said, “we use to look women like beast, burden, until we saw the Qur’an elevating their status.”
“Nushuz is grouse disobedience; it’s not just about not making dinner. As mentioned earliar, it is not wajibat to make dinner, a qadi can’t impose it on women. Mukrah, is out of compulsion. Ta’a is desire and yearning. So it is to serve by desire, not compulsion. Khidmah is part of nature of woman.” (Summary of part of Shaikh Hamza Yusuf’s lecture)
A friend told me that he doesn’t want to marry early because he thinks at the moment he doesn’t have enough wisdom to teach his future children – a realization he got after reading Randy Pausch’s The Last Lecture. I was pretty struck by that idea.
Ibn Hajar wrote a book called Tarbiyat Aulad (nurturing children). The Prophet s.a.w. was gentle with children. He puts his hand on the head and said this is the best creation of Allah. We have to honour our children. Ibn Qayyim said, “Allah has enjoined upon us the right of children before he enjoined upon children the right of the parents.”
Someone came to Ali ibn Abi Talib and complained, “My child is in grouse disrespect of me.” Ali r.a. asked him, “How did you treat him when he was young?” He said, “I neglected him.” So Ali r.a. said, “What do you expect now?”
The Prophet s.a.w. never beats his wife or any children. But the tradition in most Muslim countries is to quickly use physical admonition towards children. The westeners don’t beat their children. And if education is the axon of a country’s economy, then small wonder that Muslim countries are so lagging behind. What’s wrong with us? We must break the cycle.
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